Saturday, May 21, 2005

 
The Adrenosexual

My whole life I've been so confused. Am I straight or am I really, really straight?

 
John Cena: The Most Famous Man Alive

He's outsold Styx for crying out loud!

-quote-

>>John Cena & Tha Trademarc's "You Can't See Me" (Sony) opened at No. 15 with sales of 43,000, marking the first chart appearance for the hip-hop act and professional wrestling champion.

......

Styx's "Big Bang Theory" (New Door) at No. 46 with 19,000.<<

-end quote-

Thursday, May 19, 2005

 
Oh No!! Not The European Court Of Human Rights!

I wonder if Neil Horan, the defrocked priest in question, is related to Hwang Jang Lee's white kung fu pupil Roy Horan, who isn't a priest but dresses like one.

 
RVD Doesn't Know What The Warrior's Been Up To?

Probably, because he smokes pot.

-quote-

>>I'm writing from London, where I appeared at this weekend's big LONDON EXPO comic convention. These things are always a blast. RVD fans get bonus value when they come to see me, as fellow grappler Matt Hardy was on hand, in addition to...the Ultimate Warrior. You heard right, the Warrior. Don't ask me what he's been up to, but I can tell you what he was doing this past weekend!<<

-end quote-

Dude.... aren't you the guy.... yeah.... you used to shake..... uhh.... THE ROPES!!! That was aaaaawesome!!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

 
The Christ Path, The God Experience, And The Great Thing About Terrorism

Looks like we got one of them there Episcopalian Bishops.

-quote-

>>If God is the "ground of being" then I worship God by having the courage to be.

......

And if God is the source of life, the only way I can worship God is by living fully.

.......

And if God is the source of love, the only way I can worship God is by loving wastefully.<<

-end quote-

Yeah, fuck piety.

-quote-

>>Take the virgin birth tradition, which is how we explained how God got from outside to inside Mary. The story hasn’t worked since 1724, when we discovered that women have an egg cell.<<

-end quote-

As a million others have responded to this argument: "After all, it made perfect sense back then".

-quote-

>>At the other end of the story, there is the issue of getting Jesus back up to God, which comes into the Christian tradition in the 9th decade, maybe the 10th decade, in the ascension story. It doesn't make sense in the space age. Carl Sagen once said that if Jesus literally ascended into the sky and traveled at the speed of light, then he hadn't yet escaped our galaxy.<<

-end quote-

And that's why the only people who still quote Carl Sagen are Episcopalian Bishops.

-quote-

>>The Christ path is the path I've walked all my life, so it's normal and natural. And I have no reason to abandon it because it leads to where I want to go. If I were a child of Tibet or of Arabia, I suspect the path I'd walk would be the Buddhist path or the Muslim path. And I don't mind saying that I don't invalidate any of those paths. But the path I walk is the Christ path. If God is God and if the Christ path leads me to God, then I will meet whomever has gone through whatever path they've come from.<<

-end quote-

If only I had been born in Pornistan*.

-quote-

>>All religion seems to need to prove that it's the only truth. And that's where it turns demonic.

........

And so every time they could, they make Jesus say, "I am," "I am," "I am," "I am." One of them is "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father but by me." And that's the text that turns Christianity into being demonic--in the sense that we have the truth, and the rest of you have to come to God the way we have come to God.<<

-end quote-

Gotcha! Jesus is demonic.

-quote-

>>People don't realize religion is never a search for truth. Religion is a search for security.<<

-end quote-

Ok, that's just silly. Now it's time to bring it home with something really, really stupid.

-quote-

>>Pope John Paul II made steps toward Muslims and made steps toward Jews. But that’s about 500 years too late in my opinion. I welcome it, but it’s irrelevant . If you don’t learn to get along, human beings aren’t going to survive.

And, ironically, that’s the great thing that terrorism does for us. <<

-end quote-








*Pornistan is not an actual country.

 
Relativism Camp

Another female minister with another dumb idea.

-quote-

>>For one week in July, 11 local children ages 9 to 12 met each day at different places of worship to learn about their history and their doctrines.

In addition to experiencing Buddhist meditation, they witnessed the carrying of the Torah and took part in Islamic prayers.

.......

"The children learn the basic principles of religious traditions and how those principles bring peace to the world," said the Rev. Aurora Mary Kilai of Brookfield, an interfaith minister who is coordinating the event. Kilai hopes this year's camp will attract between 30 and 40 children.<<

-end quote-

You too can pay fifty dollars to have your nine year old child participate in religious ceremonies they don't understand, amongst which include prostrating towards Mecca and praying in a language they don't know.

 
The Ultimate Warrior And His Collaborator In Crazy

This requires a bit of scrolling, but it's worth it. Because if you're anything like me, you need regular reminders of how dillussional Virgil is. With the Warrior they're all over the place, but no one remembers Virgil. Notice that he's actually being advertised as the Million Dollar Belt winner.






 
Like I Said, John Cena Is The Most Famous Man Alive

Cena's album debuts at....NUMBER 15!!!! And all the reviews are saying that it's not shitty.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

 
My Own Personal Muhammad

I’d like to start off by saying that this essay is based on the presumption that Islam is a lie. I know that’s a bold way of putting it, but in all reality, this is the belief of the world’s two billion Christians assuming they’re being honest. As I’m always telling people, when you adhere to one religion you’re not just adhering to one religion. You’re denouncing the other 12,492 religions. When you think of it that way, one doesn’t really accept religion out of fear but out of utter ballsiness. Remember that next time you challenge me to a bar fight, you’re dealing with a man who has overtly defied 12,492 religions.

My buddy Randy and I were again discussing warfare over cold Miller High Lifes. I brought up Muhammad and remarked; "as a prophet, I have no idea how anyone fell for him. But as a military leader, he was a genius". For all practical reasons I never put Muhammad in the same category as Abraham, Lao Tsu, Buddha, or Jesus. I put him in the same category as Eric The Red, Chin Shi Huang-Ti, and Napolean.

But, I want to examine my statement "As a prophet, I have no idea how anyone fell for him". And I want to make it perfectly clear that in my efforts to do so I am not criticizing Muslims, but in actuality, I’m attempting to turn the mirror on myself.

The Koran is supposed to have been written by God word for word. But, these words from Sura 9:30 indicate that the author had great misunderstandings about Judaism:

And the Jews say Ezra is the son of Allah.....

The Koran is supposed to have been written by God word for word. But, these words from Sura 5:73 indicate that the author had great misunderstandings about Christianity:

They surely disbelieve who say: Lo! Allah is the third of three....

The Koran is supposed to have been written by God word for word. But, these words from Sura 33:53 indicate that the author is a particularly silly:

O ye who believe! Enter nor the dwellings of the Prophet for a meal without waiting for the proper time, unless permission be granted you. But if yea are invited, enter, and, when your meal is ended, then disperse. Lo! That would cause great annoyance to the Prophet, and he would be shy of asking you to go.

So the God of the Jews and Christians is greatly misinformed about Judaism and Christianity? And I especially get a kick out of that last verse, because it makes me think of this verse from the book of Hebrews. It’s in these verses where I become perplexed as to why anyone would follow this guy. But, it’s in these words from Sura 33:50 that I find my answer:

O Prophet! Lo! We have made lawful unto thee thy wives unto whom thou hast paid their dowries, and those whom thy right hand possesseth of those whom Allah hath given thee as spoils of war, and the daughters of thine uncle on the father’s side and thine daughters of the aunts on the father’s side, and the daughters of thine uncles on the mother’s side and the daughters of thine aunts on the mother’s side who emigrated with thee, and a believing woman if she give herself unto the Prophet and the Prophet desire to ask her in marriage - a privilege for thee only, not for the rest of the believers....

The Koran puts forth that a man can have no more than four wives, and then makes an exception for Muhammad. Muhammad is supposed to be the exemplar for all Muslims. Why, because he’s exempt to the rules?

And it’s here that I come to my realization that I have no right whatsoever to criticize Muslims. Because, I have my own personal Muhammad. His name is Ron and he writes a blog about pro wrestling.

I remember a conversation I had with someone during my R.C.I.A. class, when we were discussing lying, and I made the remark that I thought it wasn’t really lying if the person asked a question that they had no right to ask. I was sort of joking, but there was a little bit of truth behind it. I’ve watched soft core porn and later attempted to convince myself that what I watched wasn’t really porn. On numerous occasions I’ve gotten drunk and then later attempted to convince myself that it was by accident. I’m always a dick to people, but people are dicks to me so they got it coming. I’m constantly overeating, but it’s okay because God made me with a complete lack of self control.

But, when I stop and think about it...why the hell would I want to make exceptions for myself? Why do I want to be exempt from the rules? Christ is the exceptional human for the very reason that His Father made no exceptions for him. Christ was bound to the same rules as everyone else, and he excelled. Excellence doesn’t come from being the exception to the rules, it comes from being subject to the same rules as everyone else and then kicking maximum ass.

God made the rules for humanity. And I come up with asinine rationalizations for why I should be the exception. I do this. Me. Yours truly. The guy writing this blog. I shouldn’t judge those who follow false prophets, because I myself am guilty of a far greater sin. I make a false prophet out of myself.

I’m reminded of when I was five and I would get bullied at school (that happened a lot). I would wonder why my parents couldn’t just tell the bully to stop and then punish him if he didn’t. I didn’t yet grasp the fact that a parent’s rules only apply to their children, and the bullies were outside of their jurisdiction. With that in mind, I should want to be subject to the same rules as all my fellow Christians, I should want to be subject to the same rules as Jesus Christ. That’s how you know you’ve got the same Father.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

 
It's May For Crying Outloud!

Why Hastings, Michigan sucks.

 
Misguided Yet Admirable Maternal Love

We've all heard parents say that they would go to the ends of the earth for their kids, or other various sentiments of the sort. This woman wants to undo Eternal Truths. But, she's some what realistic about it.

-quote-

>>The Monmouth County mother of a 9-year-old girl whose first Holy Communion was declared invalid will meet privately Tuesday with Trenton Bishop John M. Smith. Liz Pelly-Waldman hopes Smith will take up the cause of Haley Waldman, who has a digestive disorder that makes it unsafe for her to consume wafers containing wheat.

"I'm one woman questioning 2,000 years of church teaching," Pelly-Waldman, 31, of Brielle, said yesterday. "I don't expect it to change overnight."<<

-end quote-

My heart goes out to this little girl, but this sort of thing happens. There are thousands of faithful Catholics out there who are simply incapable of receiving the Holy Eucharist for one reason or another. I used to do lay Eucharistic ministry at my home town parish before my schedule made it unfeasible. On a couple of occassions I've found myself in hospital rooms having to tell some sweet little elderly lady that the doctor said she wasn't in the proper physical condition to receive. It's not the easiest thing I've had to do, but I seriously doubt Jesus would want anyone choking to death on His body. I also like to believe that God provides a special grace and comfort to people in such a condition, especially considering that I (or any of us for that matter) could very easily find myself in that same boat some day.

I'd like to add some sappy sentiment about how this nine year old girl doesn't need Communion because Jesus is in the eyes of every smiling child, instead I think I'll add that I find inspiration in people like this. It inspires me to not take the Eucharist for granted. Often times I'll have a free morning and there's no good reason for me to not go to daily mass, but I won't because it's early and I don't do early. I'll tell myself something about how I'm not a morning person and God understands that, afterall, he made me that way. Taking into consideration my new found inspiration, I'll probably skip Family Guy tonight and hit the sack early.

 
The Fans Tell Vince What They Want

He was under the impression that it worked the other way around.

-quote-

>>The fans chanting for Matt Hardy at pretty much every arena that WWE has run an event in, has been getting to Vince McMahon. Next week, it’s expected that Lita and Edge will be involved with each other in an on-air storyline. <<

-end quote-

What we have here is essentially thousands of people yelling in unison that Vince made a bad descision.

-quote-

>> Lita is said to be uncomfortable with the situation being exploited on TV, however she is in no position to complain at this point.<<

-end quote-

Wrestling fans all over the world let out a big collective BAHH!!!

-quote-

>>There’s talk within some circles in WWE that Vince McMahon may be talked into rehiring Matt Hardy, in order to take part in an on-air feud with Edge and Lita.<<

-end quote-

This is just the sort of tastelessness that pro wrestling has been missing.

 
America Doesn't Hate Muslims, Florida Does

I live in the most Muslim state in America and used to live in the most anti-Muslim state in America.

-quote-

>>There were 103 anti-Muslim incidents reported in Florida last year, an 18 percent increase over the previous year....

.......

Nationwide, reports of hate crimes against Muslims rose 52 percent to 141 last year compared with 2003....<<

-end quote-

So next time some one tries to tell you that Americans hate Muslims, just assure them that it's Floridians doing 73% of the Muslim-descriminating-against-ing.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

 
College Republicans

I gotta kick outta this...

-quote-

>>Less than two weeks after Student Government (SG) approved the College Democrats as a club on campus, several students are organizing to form the Republican counterpart.

......

"We've were going to start this up last semester, but we didn't have to time," said Karen Wesolowski.<<

-end quote-

 
Here's The Thing...

...about protesting...

-quote-

>>The antiwar, anti-ROTC protest recently had fewer people in attendance than did the group of College Republicans protesting the protest. <<

-end quote-

....liberal college students don't protest anymore because it's boring. College Republicans like to protest because of the novelty of being Republicans and holding protest rallies (numerous College Republicans at MSU have admitted this flat out), and it's a novelty that will most likely run it's course in due time.

 
Fear Not Heterdox Catholics....

....new Pope is "far from horrifying".

-quote-

>>The death of Pope John Paul II provided liberal American Catholics with a brief moment of hope.<<

-end quote-

Nice.

-quote-

>>To this end, it is important to consider Benedict XVI’s advanced age.<<

-end quote-

Nice.

-quote-

>> He has been characterized as a transitional figure, but a more accurate description may be a stopgap.<<

-end quote-

Nice.

-quote-

>>It would be unsurprising to see another conclave before the end of the decade.<<

-end quote-

That's real classy.

-quote-

>>As a pro-choice, pro-gay and women’s rights Jewish liberal with a deeply held conviction of the freedom to dissent from doctrine, I will admit to trepidation about the coming reign of Benedict XVI. <<

-end quote-

Dammit, you should have said that at the beginning of your article, before I went and read the whole thing*. One problem though: this guy isn't advocating the dissent from doctrine but changing doctrine. That's pretty different.




*I didn't actually read the whole thing.

 
Turns Out The Hurricane Has Fans...Whooda Guessed?

Biggest Backlash Pops:

-quote-

>>Biggest Pops:

1. Hogan (by far!)

2. Batista

3. Rosey and the Hurricane winning

4. Jericho

5. Christian, surprisingly.<<

-end quote-

So the Hurricane came in third to Hulk Hogan (the most popular wrestler of all time) and Batista (the world champion face). Who would have thought that the fans actually like this under-utilized superstar who's extremely entertaining on the mic and technically proficient in the ring?

Monday, May 02, 2005

 
Reason #476 Why I Love Marty Jannetty

He's a classic metaphor.

-quote-

>>Matt Hardy is someone with a genuine connection with crowds. He was underutilized in WWE because WWE creative had personal issues with him and to a degree genuinely felt he was Marty Jannetty to his brother Jeff Hardy's Shawn Michaels.<<

-end quote-

The thing that's funny about this is that people are always trying to predict who is going to be the next Marty Jannetty. Three years ago people were predicting that Christian would play Marty Jannetty to Edge's Shawn Micheals. Now Christian is being set up for a feud with WWE Champion/most famous man alive John Cena and Edge has suffered such dwindling popularity that his latest gimmick is that he likes to carry around a briefcase.

 
We Could Not Have Seen This Coming Less

I return again from my hiatus to point out this....
(okay, forget about the picture, the people at WWE.COM are too clever...)


Yes, after two years of utter nonsense, the WWE has finally decided to put the straps on Rosey and the Hurricane's head and arms (seriously, his first title reign in over two years and he couldn't even get a decent photo). My good friend, the man with whom no one has made acquaintanceship, told me that I should issue a public apology for all the nasty things I've said about the Hurricane over the last few months about how his insistance on sticking with a company that constantly shits him is a sign of his utter disdain for the very fans who spend their hard earned cash on his merchandise only to tune into Raw and see him and Rosey job to HHH in a HANDICAPPED MATCH when we' d much rather see him over on TNA working with the likes of Primetime and Petie Williams even though the last few months have indicated that TNA is going down the shitter. Okay.....I'm sorry....

But "Professor Wrestling" doesn't feel the same way.

-quote-

>>A team only slightly less lame than The Heart Throbs won this match: Hurricane and Rosey. Why is the tag division the comedy club?<<

-end quote-

Who cares about that guy? Anyone who thinks the Heart Throbs are lame is not the kind of person I would want to talk to, and certainly doesn't deserve the appelation "professor".