Monday, February 28, 2005

 
Chris Rock Is Usually Funny

Moorewatch comments on Chris Rock's piss poor Oscar performance last night. I agree to the tee.

 
Miss HIV

Of all the assinine....

 
Wrestlemania And What Not

I find myself feeling kind of torn on whether or not I think this year's Wrestlemania will be any good. Wrestlemania is always good, but last year's was a dissapointment for the simple fact that Hulk Hogan wasn't there. Yeah, he can't wrestle for shit. But, having WM XX without the Hulkster seemed somewhat sacreligious. But, the current projected card seems very hot and cold.

1. Undertaker vs. Orton: This will be a shit match. But, I'm looking forward to the ending since the current plan is to have Orton give the Undertaker his first Wrestlemania loss, and they plan on turning Orton heel in the process. Kind of obvious, everyone and their dentist has pointed out what a colossal failure Orton's face turn has been. This is just the WWE making up for past mistakes.

2. Shawn Micheals vs. Kurt Angle: This will be the best match of the last five years.

3. Triple H vs. Batista: This will be shit.

4. JBL vs. Cena: Shit. If Cena wins, that will kind of make up for it. But shit nonetheless.

5. Big Show vs. Some Big Japanese Guy: Does anyone in America give a fuck about this match? I'm sure the Japanese are losing sleep over the anticipation. But, WM 21 is in Los Angeles. On top of that, we're dealing with two five hundred pound guys, one of whom has no wrestling experience. Yeah, this one's gonna be good.

And to top it all off, we have to feast our eyes on this retard....

Sunday, February 27, 2005

 
More On Head

It seems Head has a few harsh words for his former bandmates.

-quote-

>>"Those guys in the band, they're not bad guys. They're just a bunch of kids getting marketed how these guys in the big corporate firms want to do," Welch said. "It makes us look like bad people, but we're really just a bunch of kids who never had a chance to grow up."<<

-end quote-

 
Julia Sweeney Isn't Funny

The brilliant mind behind such hillarious movies such as "It's Pat" and..uh..others, has decided to enlighten us with her views on Jesus.

-quote-

>>It's such an important topic in our lives and in our society. It's funny that people believe such ridiculous things. I mean, I put myself in this category. I didn't say I know Jesus was born of a virgin and all that stuff, but I went along with all of it. If you just walked into any church and had never heard those stories, you'd never stop laughing. Everybody on some level knows how crazy that is, except if you're evangelical or a fundamentalist of any religion. Yet we make huge decisions based on this belief. <<

-end quote-

 
Picking Your Battles Wisely

Animal rights activists protest gummies.

-quote-

>>The New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals is criticizing Kraft Foods, the maker of Trolli brand gummy snacks, for the candies that depict dead animals - a snake, a chicken and a squirrel - complete with tire tracks.

"This teaches a wrong lesson to children," said Matthew Stanton, a spokesman for the NJSPCA. He said the Road Kill Gummies are different from other similar candies because they represent "an animal that's dead, that's been on the road.

"We're not fighting against Gummi Bears or Gummi Worms," Stanton explained, "because some people in some cultures actually eat those and find them to be something that they enjoy. But this actually has an animal that has tire marks over their body."<<

-end quote-

 
Never Fear...

...the Framework Convention on Tobacco Control is here, to save me from the evil tobacco industry and enforce soft socialism under the pretense of saving lives.

-quote-

>>"The tobacco industry wants to be free to sell and market their deadly products in such a way that they have more and more profits. This is the only language the tobacco industry knows," Vera Luiza da Costa e Silva, director of the WHO's Tobacco Free Initiative, told journalists.<<

-end quote-

Imagine that, the tabacco industry wants to be free to sell and market their product. On top of that, they want to increase their profits. Man, those fuckers just don't quit, do they?

-quote-

>>"In Brazil, my country, the tobacco industry is furiously lobbying the Congress and the Senate in order not to get the treaty ratified. They are using the tobacco farmers to make the case, saying that they will lose their jobs."<<

-end quote-

Imagine that, a company doesn't make as much so money, so they can't employ as many people.

-quote-

>>Activists accuse the Bush administration, which signed the pact last May, of having worked hard to dilute it.<<

-end quote-

The Blog Of The Hurricane thanks the Bush adminstration, which signed the pact last May, for having worked hard to dillute it.


 
Their Brains Are A Sexual Mosaic

Further evidence that the majority of academics are wasting their time.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

 
Blog Of The Hurricane Guy Adresses Dumb Nun's Dumb Question

In her most recent editorial the dumb nun put forth quite the little brain teaser.

-quote-

>>We applaud the fact that women can finally get high-level academic degrees in theology but, in that case, tell us again why priests can't be married and women can't be ordained?<<

-end quote-

Gee, I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with this or maybe this.

 
Apparently Religious People Have More Traditional Values

Evidence that the majority of academics are wasting their time.

-quote-

>>The research found that devout teens hold more traditional sexual and other values than their nonreligious counterparts and are better off in emotional health, academic success, community involvement, concern for others, trust of adults and avoidance of risky behavior.

The four-year effort was conducted by 133 researchers and consultants led by sociologist Christian Smith of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.<<

-end quote-

 
Passion Recut

This isn't the Mel Gibson we've come to know and love.

-quote-

>>Bob Berney, president of distributor Newmarket Films, said he and Gibson are aware that "some people felt the gore overshadowed the message of the film." The subtle changes will emphasize the sacrifice of Jesus rather than just the suffering, he told the newspaper.<<

-end quote-

Did I miss something here? Here I was thinking that the suffering was part of the sacrifice.

 
Another Genius Reiterates The Point...

.....that the solution to the priest shortage is to lower the standards.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

 
It's Official

The WWE Hall Of Fame will induct anybody.

 
What We Need Is A Great Big Wall Down The Middle Of The Sanctuary

Catholics getting all polarized.

-quote-

>>He said much of this was fueled by a relatively small number of groups and individual Catholics who sought to get the entire Catholic community to make the election hinge on the issues of abortion and embryonic stem-cell research, but the polarization itself runs deep across the Catholic community.<<

-end quote-

Of course if anyone is responsible for any polarization it's the people on the right.

-quote-

>>When social action directors tried to teach or speak about the U.S. bishops' most recent statement on political responsibility, "Faithful Citizenship," he said, they reported that they were repeatedly challenged by "a few who were very vocal and relentless ... ideologically motivated and situated more often than not on the right wing of Catholicism."<<

-end quote-

Hey! A reference to me!

And there's a reason those of us on the right wing of Catholicism vocally challenged Faithful Citizenship. It's ten pages of inconclusive drivel. We're not going to pretend to be just as concerned with the environment as we are with the dignity of human life and we're not going to pretend that the death penalty is just as important of an issue as abortion. And we don't appreciate people constantly telling us to vote with an "informed conscience" when we know that what they really mean is "keep reading up on other issues until you're willing to overlook that whole abortion thing".

 
I've Always Wanted To Say This, But Could Never Even Conceive Of A Scenario In Which The Opportunity Would Present Itself In Which I Could Say These Three Words

Head finds God.

 
Don't Back Down

This guy was my hero for a while. Not anymore.

-quote-

>>"To start, I pledge to you that I will seek to listen more -- and more carefully -- and to temper my words and actions in ways that convey respect and help us work together more harmoniously," Summers said in opening remarks to the meeting, which was closed to the outside media.<<

-end quote-

Man, we already have enough people in the universities listening carefully, tempering their words, and all that boring shit. I was so in love with the fact that the president of Harvard (HARVARD!! FOR PETE'S SAKE!!) was a raging misogynist. Besides, when you make a statement like "women suck at science", you really should stick to your guns. Besides, it's obvious that he put a lot more thought into his "women suck at science" conclusion than he did his "I'd better apologize or I might lose my job" conclusion.

 
STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES!!

The suffering and hardship of all those little children who lost parents to the tsunami might inspire Sting to write a song someday.

 
Scientist Says Not Feeding Your Kids Meat Is "Unethical"

Why vegans shouldn't be allowed to raise kids.

-quote-

>>Meat is a vital part of a child's diet, according to a two-year study of Kenyan schoolkids. Without it, children grow up smaller, less strong and less intelligent, the results suggest.

So clear are the benefits, in fact, that denying children meat or dairy products in the first few years of life is unethical, argues Lindsay Allen of the University of California, Davis, who carried out the research.<<

-end quote-

 
What's A Priest To Do When His Traditional Parishioners Just Won't Get A Long With The Progressive Parishioners?

How about putting a wall down the middle of the sanctuary?

 
Guess Who's Back

Pope rips democracy a new one.

-quote-

>>The Pope published a new book yesterday strongly attacking the "negative" society of the West, calling it a godless "anti-Gospel and new totalitarianism" masquerading as democracy.

Entitled Memory and Identity: Conversations Between Millenniums, John Paul II's fifth book, printed first in Italian, blames the moral permisiveness of the West for undermining society with divorce, free love, abortion, euthanasia, and genetic manipulation.<<

-end quote-

I can't wait to read that book. It's nice to see that even in his current condition, the Pope ain't taking no shit.

 
Hint Hint

How many times do I have to tell you working mothers? Quit your fucking job!

-quit-

>>Responsibility for most of the housework, and the burden of looking after sick children, still falls to mothers even when they earn more than their husbands, says the Economic and Social Research Council (ESRC).

......

The research - which urges a "complete cultural rethink" of the way working mothers are treated - is partly funded by the Government and is potentially embarrassing for Tony Blair.

Labour has put women-friendly policies at the heart of its election campaign, pointing to a slew of initiatives which it says have improved things for most women.

But despite that - and the rise of "house husbands" and "new men", with their well-publicised commitment to domestic chores - the ESRC says many women are physically and emotionally drained.<<

-end quit-

"Women-friendly policies" that have "improved things for most women"? Are you kidding me? My best friend is currently working two jobs so his wife can stay home and take care of their two kids, now that's a women-friendly policy.

Monday, February 21, 2005

 
Famous People With No Religion Talking About Religion

It definitely has its better moments, like this delightful remark Keanu Reeves made in a recent interview.

-quote-

>>But I've got to say, really, I have no kind of, can I say "secular religiosity"? ... I don't have a denominational sight. I think, like in the stories that we tell, there is an aspect of the living life informing where we go. A transfiguration, there must be. Energy can't be created or destroyed, and energy flows. It must be in a direction, with some kind of internal, emotive, spiritual direction. It must have some effect somewhere. ... I do think there must be some kind of interaction between your living life and the life that goes on from here. <<

-end quote-

As incoherent as this is, at least it's not the same sort of drivel most Hollywood types spit out. Nope. Keanue has his own unique drivel. And while I'm on the topic, Constantine is a good movie, minor plot holes aside.

 
Boycott Movie Gallery

Not only is Movie Gallery a filthy porn peddler, their prices are steep as fuck and their late return policy is retarded. My hometown recently got invaded by Movie Gallery and things have turned to shit, as far as renting movies are concerned. Upon day of arrival the smaller movie chain, Movie Outpost, immediately buckled and sold out to Movie Gallery. Had they just waited a couple of days they would have realized that Movie Gallery's prices are higher and their selection is significantly lower (those fuckers don't even carry Dragon Inn). On top of that, some of the local God fearing, family raising Christians have noticed that there's softcore porn DVDs amidst the non-evil rentals, which is in direct violation of local obscenity laws. Upon learning of local attempts to boycott I immediately decided that I wanted in on this. My descision to join the boycott is 30% porn and 70% the fact that they don't carry Dragon Inn.

 
What's This "Iss-lom" They Speak Of?

I wouldn't know, I'm just an American.

-quote-

>>“The saddest thing for Islam, with its 1.2 billion people, and one of the three Abrahamic faiths, is that it is so unknown and so misunderstood by the most sophisticated society on the Earth, the United States. It’s mind boggling.”<<

-end quote-

For the record: my ten year old nephew can name all twelve Imams, and me and my hometown buddies, when not drinking beer and shooting pool, are constantly entertaining ourselves with Koran quiz bowls. Here's a thought, how about someone asks the average Middlea Eastern Muslim college aged male how much they know about Christianity and see if that makes it in the Middle East's largest English speaking newspaper.

 
Of All The Goofy Razza Frazza Rabble Rabble etc.

Presbyterians boycott Israel.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

 
No, Actually I Do Know The Difference Between A Satanist And An Idiot

Pagans misunderstood...

-quote-

>>Students and others who practice paganism are commonly misunderstood, because of the entertainment industry's interpretation of their religion, Raymond says.<<


-end quote-

Apparently, Buffy The Vampire Slayer has turned me into the ignorant, intolerant redneck I already was. But tell ya what, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I'll open my ears up and let you enlighten me a little bit about this whole pagan thing.

-quote-

>>"To me, magic is ... the idea that my will can change my world. It's the use of positive natural energy to change my reality or the reality of my world," she says.<<

-end quote-

Actually, that's kind of what I assumed.

-quote-

>>"It is about becoming more fully connected with the natural world and letting that control your desires or direct that to influence what you desire."<<

-end quote-

Yeah, that too.

-quote-

>>"To me it means being grounded in where you are and when you are. It means honoring the earth and deities, giving yourself room to interact with them and see what you learn," Gerhard says.<<

-end quote-

To me it means being grounded in where you are and when you are. It means honoring the earth and deities, giving yourself room to interact with them and see what you learn!! Jinx! You owe me a Coke!

-quote-

>>Pagans tend to believe in both gods and goddesses as part of nature. The different sets of gods and goddesses do not include Satan, Bado-Fralick says.<<

-end quote-

Good for you?








 
Pope Reiterates Classic Analogy Which Has Been Made By Millions Of Christians Over The Last Couple Of Decades....

....and someone gets pissed about it.

 
Pope Reiterates Classic Analogy Which Has Been Made By Millions Of Christians Over The Last Couple Of Decades....

....and someone gets pissed about it.

 
Jen Had To Have A Whole New Torso

Brad and Jen's split costs museum $19,000.

 
No Way Out? More Like 'No Way I'm Watching It'...

I am not watching tonight's Smackdown PPV. In fact, I just found out it was tonight. I try and make it a point to not watch brand exclusive PPVs. But, after the house show I went to last weekend I've had a bit more interest in Smackdown. I just haven't been watching it over the last couple of months. Although, the Guy That No One Knows tells me that the actual wrestling has improved as of late, and apparently Batista's special appearance was relatively entertaining.

Anyways, after the show I'd been telling my buddies about how awesome John Cena was. Sure, I already knew that he was the best part of Smackdown. I just didn't know he was THAT over with the crowds. And with that in mind I remarked that I would be surprised if Cena wasn't involved with one of the main events at Wrestlemania, seeing as there's usually three and Cena is easily the hottest thing on Smackdown. So with that sentiment in mind I was quite pleased to find out that Cena will be wrestling Kurt Angle tonight and the winner of that match will get a shot at the Heavyweight title at WM 21. So it looks like Cena will be getting a title shot at WM, since they've already set the stage for Angle and Micheals (which will be the best match the WWE has seen in the past five years). I just hope Cena's wrestling the Big Show and not JBL, although I haven't been paying nearly enough attention to wrestling as of late in order to know what the obvious ending of that match is going to be.

One more thing...

Jeff Jarrett + Blue Collar Comedy = I'm fucking pissed I missed it.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

 
Lance Storm Is Smart

Real quick, just wanted to point out this remark from a recent Q & A update over at Lance Storm's official website...

-quote-

>>Q: Would you have liked to wrestle the Ultimate Warrior?

A: I’m pretty sure I would have hated it, so no. <<

-end quote-

 
Typical

Faithful, responsible, Christian man from Oklahoma has a good idea and a Lutheran woman from Massachusetts gets offended at it and then creates a website to portray Jesus as a hippy who doesn't know how to raise a fucking kid.

-quote-

>>"Christians are supposed to listen to Jesus," Lawrence said, bringing the Rod down with a thump on the seat of her living room futon and looking at the resulting dent with incredulity. "Can you imagine Jesus teaching to use the Rod?" <<

-end quote-

Yeah, Christians are "supposed to listen to Jesus", not to what they imagine Jesus would have said had the topic been brought up.

 
Lucky For Her....

....nuns aren't required to be smart.

-quote-

>>They call for a discussion of the extension of ordination of married ministers from other Christian traditions "to other married men" -- clearly Roman Catholic ones.

They call the Synod Fathers "to examine honestly the appropriateness of insisting upon a priesthood that is, with very few exceptions, obliged to be celibate. Priesthood is a gift," they say.

"Celibacy is a gift: They are not the same gift."

Finally, they call for the "re-instatement of priests who married with the Church's permission and are willing to resume ministry as priests."

And they call for all of this publicly. On a Web site. For the world to see. As Jesus put it: "Israelites in whom there is no guile." <<

-end quote-

I just love the sort of logic that puts forth that the solution to the priest shortage is to lower the standards for who can and can't be priests.

-quote-

>>No, they don't say a thing about the ordination of women or about the fact that faced with a choice between Eucharist and maleness, the church is choosing for maleness. Pity. Either their own theology is also lacking or they are better politicians than we think. But such as these seem educable. There is hope that next time they will do better. <<

-end quote-

And I just love the sort of logic that completely ignores scripture.

 
The Blog Of The Hurricane Guy Still Skeptical About Labyrinth Prayer

Although it's nice to get a little bit of the history behind it....

-quote-

>>Based on a type of prayer dating back to the Middle Ages, the labyrinth has a circular pattern. Unlike a maze, it has a single, continuous path leading through winding circuits to the center and then back out again. A person walks at his or her own pace, praying -- and just being silent.

The most famous labyrinth is a 12th-century mosaic incorporated into the floor of the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Chartres, France. Many cathedrals in Europe had labyrinths and some speculate that they were devised as a form of pilgrimage, perhaps when people could not travel safely to the Holy Land during the Crusades.

.....

Hawley said a labyrinth is "a metaphor for the human journey toward God. We find God in the center of our being. The labyrinth has been called 'a maze in grace,' although it really isn't a maze at all. There are no tricky dead ends. It's just one path that leads to the center."<<

-end quote-

It's nice to know that it has Christian origins, although I'll still remain a little skeptical. I mean, come on, walking at your own pace, no tricky dead ends, every one going in different directions but ending up in the same location....

I'm still not going to do it, but I'll show a little more respect towards the people that do. Maybe it's just my Baptist upbring peaking through, it just don't seem all right. Although, I will hand it to them, it looks like quite the challenge to keep your head above water whilst fending off Dr. Robotnik.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

 
"You're Not Making Christianity Better, You're Making Rock And Roll Worse" - Hank Hill

This is too stupid to not point out.

-quote-

>>But the lyrics are the most captivating thing about the ApologetiX approach. Most of the songs are extremely clever, like "Bethlehemian Rhapsody," a funny David-versus-Goliath take on "Bohemian Rhapsody," a rock classic by the group Queen.

The songs are also sometimes quite inspiring, such as the uplifting message in "You Ain't Been Nothing Yet," a song about Moses, based on the Bachman-Turner Overdrive early 70s classic, "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet."

.......

"Having done this for 12 years now, we've seen it's effect on people. People get saved, they get encouraged to read their Bibles, encouraged to share the gospel with others. We've even seen suicides averted," he said.<<

-end quote-

Anyone who decides not to commit suicide because of a Christianized version of a Bachman-Turnder Overdrive song most likely probably wasn't a shoe in for a successful suicide attempt to begin with.

 
Isn't It Wierd How Some Things Just Seem To Work Themselves Out?

Like this guy for instance.

-quote-

>>A father killed himself, convinced that he was dying of cancer because a letter giving him the all-clear failed to reach him.

A hospital consultant sent Colin Jackson's GP the letter containing the good news several days before the divorced father of three was found hanged at his home in Gillingham, Kent.

However, Mr Jackson, 43, had discharged himself from his GP and moved to a new address, preventing the letter from Medway Maritime Hospital reaching him.<<

-end quote-

He got what he deserved. I just wished that the stupidity inherent in all suicide cases was this evident.

 
It's Okay....

.....monkeys do it too.

-quote-

>>Scientists reported last week that male rhesus monkeys will 'pay' to check out pictures of female monkey bottoms or images of socially dominant members of their species.

......

However, when the monkeys were offered visions of a social inferior monkey they refused to look unless they were paid extra rations.

'It is human nature to pay attention to powerful people,' said researcher Robert Deaner. 'Now it seems other primates share the tendency.' <<

-end quote-

 
Moral Comment Of The Week

From last night's Raw:

"Posing for Playboy doesn't make you a slut," - Christy Hemme

Perfectly put, Christy. Now I wonder if there's any woman on the WWE roster who isn't a huge fucking moron. Wait...what's that off in the distance? It's a bright light in the form of the only God fearing woman in professional wrestling, who, as a result of her convictions, gets constantly shitted on with gimmicks like wearing granny panties and getting her head shaved.

-quote-

>>However, women showing skin is a big part of the WWE's appeal. There have been times when fans expected Greenwald to be dressed in a bra and panties or a teddy. Instead, she drew boos from the crowd by using the catch phrase, "I am pure and wholesome."According to reports on wrestling news Web sites, Greenwald recently turned down a photo shoot for Playboy.

"It's unfortunate that a character who is modest would be considered prudish or undesirable," she said, "when I think in real life that a person who has self-respect would be more desirable."

Greenwald said she will continue to do her best in any role the WWE gives her while doing the same outside the ring in her Christian walk.<<

-end quote-

Monday, February 14, 2005

 
Powwows, Fuck Yeah!!

Hanging out by myself Saturday in East Lansing, had nothing better to do, except maybe studying, so I decided to go to a powwow and a Smackdown house show. That right there is my idea of a Saturday’s worth of entertainment. For the Smackdown show I would fork over forty two bucks and manage to get an incredible seat. Best seat I ever had a WWE event, I’ll tell you what, well worth the forty two bucks. The powwow was free to students.

This was the Nth Annual Powwow Of Love, kind of a lame name for a powwow. The last powwow I went to before this one was the Nth Annual Frank Bush Memorial Powwow, which is a much better name for a powwow. Dedicating a powwow to war hero is way cooler than dedicating your powwow to love. But, both of these powwows had a distinct advantage over the other. The Frank Bush Memorial Powwow was outside. That’s a considerable advantage. A powwow loses a bit of its umph when there’s a scoreboard hanging above the festivities.

However, there’s nothing too authentically Indian about powwows to begin with. There just a pan-Indian concoction in response to Western culture, or whatever. Actually, I would assert that powwows are one hundred percent with in the hemisphere of Western culture. They were completely non-existent before European colonization. And something that exists “in response to” exists “as a result of”, and thus holds a unique place in that particular stratum. I’d say powwows deserve their own reference in “America, Fuck Yeah!!”.

But, the Nth Annual Powwow Of Love resonated with me in a way that the Nth Annual Frank Bush Memorial Powwow failed to. Both powwows featured merchandise booths selling everything from tomahawks to t-shirts to Indian tacos, which you can get with a Diet Pepsi and an order of fries. But, at the Nth Annual Powwow Of Love, the merchandise booths accepted credit. Powwows, fuck yeah! Credit cards, fuck yeah! Put the two together, FUCK YEAH!! If my next destination hadn’t been the Jack Breslin Student Event Center box office where I would spend forty two bucks for a ticket to what would be the first WWE event I would attend all by myself, dammit I would have bought something.

There are billions of dollars to be made off of white people who think that Native Americans are somehow more in tuned with the Earth and the spiritual realm than everyone else. Not to mention the white people who feel guilty. And of course we can’t forget the white people who just find the culture badass, what with all the weapons. I would fall in the third category.

Fuck, I wish I was one quarter Ojibwe so I could charge ten bucks for a hollowed out turtle shell. Sure, I could go out and kill a turtle and rip him out of his shell for free, plus I’d get a meal out of it. But, I’m one hundred percent white. Whereas that guy is only seventy five percent white. Sure, the vast majority of all of our ancestors lived in tribes. But, because their ancestors didn’t discover civilization until slightly later in the broad span of human history, their heritage seems so much more rich. You think your culture is too sacred to market? They sell Virgin Mary candles at the Save-A-Lot in my hometown. No objections here.

The one thing that always astounds me at these powwows is how the hell the people at the drum remember how the songs go. I will not for one second pretend to be able to tell the difference between this song and the song they played before it, and I have a pretty good idea of what the next song is going to sound like. But, they pull it off. There’s ten people sitting around this drum all singing this song which only has one word. I suppose it’s that sort of admiration that makes me want to empty my pockets for our country’s indigenous peoples.

But, I like to think that there might be something more to it than that. When I’m alone on campus, it’s reassuring to be reminded that I’m not alone in the universe. When I show up at a powwow and see Visa and Mastercard stickers on all the merchandise booths, that’s exactly what I need to be reminded of my cosmic comrades, my next door neighbors in the dormitory of life. And just as my literal neighbors never talk to me, my metaphorical neighbors don’t either. But, it’s nice to know they’re there, just in case I accidentally leave my keys in the laundry room and I need another dorm key in order to get back in.

 
I'd Like To Buy This Bishop A Beer

Who can tell me what's right with this picture?

-quote-

>>Its new owner is Bishop Robert J. Carlson, indicate records of Saginaw Township Assessors Office regarding the 3,816-square-foot residence near the Saginaw Country Club.

The fifth leader of the 139,000-member Saginaw Diocese and his three hunting dogs are to move into the house, built in 1960, days before his Thursday, Feb. 24, installation at St. Mary Cathedral, 615 Hoyt, Saginaw. <<

-end quote-

The kind of bishop that owns three hunting dogs is the kind of bishop that ain't gonna take no shit.

 
A Galaxy Far Far Away My Ass

Moon of Saturn sure does look like the Death Star, at least that's what NASA wants us to believe.

 
Picking Your Battles Wisely

Gay activists stand up for penguins.

-quote-

>>"We're simply trying to help save a threatened species," she said of the Humboldt penguin, a bird whose homosexual tendencies are well known to zoologists.

Six penguins at Bremerhaven Zoo in north-west Germany provoked excitement across the world when, in the absence of any females, they were discovered wandering around in pairs, trying to mate with each other and sitting on stones as if they were eggs.

Gay groups reacted with outrage when four female penguins were flown in from Sweden to allow keepers to see if they had any influence on the homosexual pairings.

Since then gay activists from as far afield as Australia have been protesting at the zoo's attempts to "cure" the penguins of their homosexuality. The zoo has been bombarded with threatening letters and telephone calls. <<

-end quote-

Thursday, February 10, 2005

 
My Big Essay Of Pretentious Metaphors

Over the weekend my buddy Josiah was reading some of his work to me and a few others. Josiah is a great writer, possibly my favorite “non-famous” writer, key word being “possibly”. Anyways, I was telling him that I prefer his essays in which he writes about actual stuff, when he provides more tangible anecdotes. Obviously, Emo Aaron and Sad Nick disagreed.

“ We like it better when you’re being metaphorical,” they shouted.

Fine, what do I know?

But, I like things that are about stuff. Preferably stuff that doesn’t leave a hell of a whole lot up to interpretation. Which is probably why I’ve been listening to the same Screeching Weasel and Queers CDs for the past seven years, whilst on a weekly basis one of my friends is popping in the latest from As I Lay In Autumn’s Forgotten Ashes.

I hate that pontifical, stream-of-consciousness sort of writing. Hate it. But, if I wanted to do it, I would totally kick ass at it. Check this shit out.

There’s a half empty Miller High Life sitting on the coffee table. I can tell when I drank a lot the night before, because there will be a half empty Miller High Life sitting on the table. I don’t know if I fell asleep half way through that can of Miller High Life. Maybe I got up to use the bathroom halfway through that can of Miller High Life, and on my way back, forgot about it and grabbed a new one. There’s really no way to really know. I sometimes wonder if she thinks of me in the same way as I think about that half empty can of Miller High Life.

Then I would say something about how long it’s been since the last time I’ve masturbated or what video games God would play if God had thumbs, and then I would suddenly have the attention of the people from whom I don’t really want attention. Anyways, I bring up my disgust for one particular style of writing just to make the point that we all have lapses. We all do things that go against our very nature. Sometimes I have these thoughts go through my head that sound absolutely nothing like something I’d think. And I feel shame. I thought I would share with you some of my lowest moments in intrapersonal dialogue.

Pretentious Metaphor #1: On my walk to the Ash Wednesday Mass, I walked past a girl who looked a lot like some one I once knew. I couldn’t stop staring at her. Not because she was beautiful, which she was. But, because her face was oddly comforting. Not comforting like a warm bed after a hard day’s work. Comforting like a cup of coffee before that hard day’s work.

Pretentious Metaphor #2: It’s sort of weird when you realize that you and most of the people you care about don’t value the same things. You won’t die for the same causes. Some of us, it seems, won’t die at all. It almost feels like a starfish having a conversation with a dolphin. They get along so well, things are going so perfectly, but every ten or fifteen minutes the dolphin must return for air. And no matter how stimulating the conversation may be, the starfish will forever be bound to the seafloor, the dolphin will forever be bound to the surface.

Pretentious Metaphor #3: I recently decided to grow my hair out, after over a year and a half of shaving my head. As my hair has grown in, I’ve noticed that my receding hairline has gotten considerably worse over the past eighteen months. It’s funny how we choose to keep all of our problems under our skin, until one day we decide that we’re tired of shaving our head every other day. We’re tired of the nicks and we’re tired of the blood. As time gives way, we realize that the problems we were keeping at bay have only gotten worse. And we realize, that for how much attention we were paying to our scalp, we really had no idea of what was going on inside our head.


Those were the three I came up with yesterday. It’s been so long since I’ve written a piece for this blog that I thought to myself; “Hey, why wait till you can come up with something good? Why don’t you just write about those three asinine metaphors you came up with earlier?”.

 
Getting In The Valentine's Day Spirit

It's sort of wierd how certain news stories seem to parrallel my Saint Valentine's Day plans.

 
Not Only Are Unions Evil.....

...they also lack common sense.

-quote-

>>Providing female car workers with paid menstrual leave would improve a company's productivity and quality, Australian Manufacturing Workers Union secretary Doug Cameron said today.<<

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Seriously, ladies. Do I have to give you that lecture about how to make it in a man's world?

 
Here Are Prime Examples Of....

...evil science and good science.

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>>The printer's cartridges are loaded with fruit and vegetable concoctions instead of ink, and the paper tray contains edible sheets of soybean and potato starch. Cantu then prints out tasty versions of images he has downloaded from the web.

When the artwork rolls out, he dips it in a powder made of soy sauce, sugar, vegetables or dehydrated sour cream, and then fries, freezes or bakes the sheets. The chef has also taken to printing his menus this way: diners can spice up their soup by ripping up the menu and tossing in the pieces.

......

And Cantu's ideas go much further. He plans to cook steak by using a hand-held laser to sear the centre until it is well done while leaving the outside medium rare, or raw. He even envisages using the laser to bake bread - with a crust inside the loaf. <<

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Yep.....I Knew It

Turns out heroin is perfectly safe.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

 
Apparently People Who Sell Booze Aren't All That Scrupulous

This is just silly.

-quote-

>>Sophie Davison, of Alcohol Concern, said loud music and "vertical drinking" were helping to fuel Britain's binge drinking culture.

She added: "The pubs don't admit it but it's certainly going on. They want people to keep drinking so they play loud music. If you can't sit around chatting because of the music, then you are going to drink more.<<

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The Post Below

The post below is my first effort in a series of essays I’m attempting to write on the Mr. T Experience and linguistic anthropology. I’m doing this as part of a class I’m taking in which I have to turn in weekly essays on course material. The basic idea is that I’m attempting to compare various ideas from different linguistic anthropologists to MTX lyrics.

There are a few things I should note. First off, these essays are written in response to questions I receive from the professor. So it may, at times, seem like I’m leaving out some important detail. I really don’t feel like re-writing these essays for the sake of this blog. So, for that, I apologize in advance. Second, some of these are probably going to be a bit of a stretch. I think the first one turned out pretty good. But, there could be a few in the future where it seems like I’m straining pretty hard to make a connection betwixt the two. Third, while my professor seems to like the idea thus far, I imagine that the avid MTX fan would find it somewhat obvious. I tried to be really clever and compare linguistic anthropology to kung fu movies. But, that failed miserably. Fourth, I’m not making any promises. If I write two crappy essays in a row, I’ll probably throw the towel in on this endeavor. I’ve got a GPA to un-fuck up.

 
MTX And Linguistic Anthropology Essay#1: MTX And The Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis

To kick off my little essay on whether or not the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis can stand as an accurate representation of the work of Sapir and Whorf, I’d like to make a quick analogy betwixt remarks made by Whorf and the lyrics of my favorite band, the Mr. T Experience. In the essay The Relation of Habitual Thought and Behavior of Language, Whorf puts forth:

To us for whom time is a motion on a space, unvarying repetition seems to scatter its force along a row of units of that space and be wasted. To the Hopi, for whom time is not a motion but a “getting later” of everything that has ever been done, unvarying repetition is not wasted but accumulated”. (p. 78)

In the song Our Days Are Numbered, we find the line:

Our days are numbered. Our nights are too. There were so many I could have spent with you. We got no credit for the full amount. Our days were numbered, but they didn’t count”.

The narrator character in this particular pop song is espousing the view of time consistent with what Whorf calls the “Standard Average European” language. The narrator character is mourning his wasted days. In the first verse he declares:

Day 1 started out badly. Day 2 left me perplexed. I would have stopped at Day 3 gladly, but Day 4 came next”.

And what I find of incredible interest is that in the liner notes, each time the word “Day” occurs in a numerically specified context (Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, etc.), the “D” in “Day” is capitalized. This seems to imply that each day is a commodity to itself, which is capable of being wasted, discarded, lived to its fullest, etc.

Obviously, this is a concept that the traditional speaking Hopi would find rather bemusing. However, this is an American pop song written by a songwriter who overtly utilizes the “Standard Average European” language to communicate to a standard average European, like myself. It’s supposed to go over the Hopi’s head.

And it’s with that sentiment in mind that I’m convinced that Whorf most definitely lives up to the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis. And what’s cool is how Whorf acknowledges his language as shaping his own reality, even whilst studying language. Take this quote for instance:

And if we take a very dissimilar language, this language becomes a part of nature, and we even do to it what we have already done to nature. We tend to think in our own language in order to examine the other language”. (p.67)

As if there were any other way.

The exotic language becomes like an exotic bird, which we watch with our fancy and efficient Western binoculars. But, just as the binoculars give us an understanding of the exotic bird, the fine detail of the exotic bird gives us an insight about our binoculars. But, that metaphor is kind of ridiculous. I think Whorf put it better:

Then we find the exotic language is a mirror held up to our own”. (p.67)

Whorf then goes on to make drawn out contrasts betwixt these two nature perception determinants. The oddities of each language is exposed by the other in a way that leaves one to wonder if they would even exist if one of the two forms of communication, be it the “exotic” or the “Standard Average European”, didn’t exist. Which goes back to the song I was discussing. When shown in the light of the Hopi language, a delightful oddity appears. If the Hopi language had never existed, that song would still exist, but the oddity wouldn’t. That’s what I think Whorf is alluding to, and that’s why I think the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis is an accurate depiction of Whorf’s ideas.

Sapir seems to focus more on language as a practicality. Obviously, near the end of his essay Language, he speaks of the “logical necessity of an international language”(p.63). He also refers to language as a “vocal actualization of the tendency to see realities symbolically”(p.50).

Sapir almost seems to imply that language determines how we see the world, because something has to. He even alludes to the global economy of modern times as a world that is in need of a practical language to shape it. Nothing fancy, just efficient.