Tuesday, March 30, 2004

 
Watch Out Hurricane!!


Like the all too common story, the Hurricane got minimal air time on last night's Raw. He came down to the ring and was ambushed by Triple H. End of story.

But meanwhile. HOLY HELL!! Did Shelton Benjamin and Triple H put on an amazing match last night. I've been telling my friends over that past week that they're going to use that stupid lottery to push Benjamin. But, they really pushed the shit out of him last night. A twenty minute match which ended with Benjamin getting a fairly clean victory over Triple H. How about that? A friend of mine made the comparison that I've been kicking around in my head, that with the Hurricane and Rock last year in the weeks leading up to WM XIX.

Two weeks ago on Smackdown we saw Benjamin go through three matches in the gauntlet, including a victory over Charlie Haas. And now with this victory over Triple H. Gee. They must really think highly of this kid. As do I. I mean, he used to team with Haas for crying out loud. HAAS!! Which by the way, if you didn't see Haas and Benjamin wrestle each other two weeks ago in the first match of the gauntlet on Smackdown, well, I will feel eternally sorry for you. That was some serious mat wrestling like nothing else.

Monday, March 29, 2004

 
The Hurricane In Missouri

Yesterday in St. Louis, Missouri the Hurricane and Rosey went up against the tag champions Ric Flair and Batista. The match ended with Batista getting the pinfall on Rosey following a spinebuster. This match isn't a sign of what we might see on Raw tonight, as Flair and Batista are scheduled to take on HBK and Benoit.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

 
Closure, Dammit!!

I got my ass a little closure yesterday. Yessir, some good old fashioned closure. A little something something had been bothering me for, oh...say..the past seven years. I think I may have finally gotten it taken care of. At least for the time being.

Yesterday, I went to some sort of family reunion thing. I'm pretty sure it wasn't quite a family reunion, as family reunions tend to take place in state parks. This was in a humble basement of a relative. This attendance of mine was not sans companionship, as I made the heroic journey along with my brother. I say heroic, because since I don't hang around with my mom like I used to eight years ago, I don't really make it to any family gatherings. With the exceptions of weddings and funerals. I've made numerous claims over the past five years about how I was going to attend an upcoming family gathering, and then never did. But, this time I actually managed to make it. And I'm pretty proud of myself. Hell. I'm my hero. Hence the appelation of a "heroic journey" which my brother, with his atlas like understanding of M-43 going south towards Kalamazoo (hell, he's smarter than an atlas), astutely asserted was precisely thirty six miles. He said it with such staunch authority, such calous leadership. That boy has "management" written all over him. Anyways, with this particular gathering, I had some extra incentive to make it, as my grandma had finished writing a book about her kids and I totally wanted to score me a copy.

My closure goes like this:

For the past eight to ten years I've had people on my mom's side of the family telling me I look like my dad. And for the past eight to ten years I've had people on my dad's side of the family telling me I look like my mom. From this I drew the conclusion that everyone I'm related to, both mom's side and dad's, thinks I'm ugly. They prefer for the in-laws to bear the responsibility for this genetic disaster. Nobody wants my traits swimming around in their collective gene pools.

Whenever I'd kick some ass, it would be; "HEY!! Just like a Frye/Whiting!!"

But, typically when I'd enter a room it'd be; "HEY!! Boy, you sure look like the other one."

But, yesterday was a different story. I'm attending this family gathering. My dad's side of the family. And everyone is telling me I look like my dad. Things have finally come full circle. This, for me, was the ultimate closure. A self abasing chapter of my life is now closed, locked up, and buried deep beneath my collection of Dilbert books, never to ever be unearthed again. Ever.

I suppose a lot of it has to do with the weight loss. I haven't seen a lot of these people in a couple or more years. And over the past three years I've lost a hundred and ten pounds. I suppose I look different. Plus, I've got the shaved head and beird going on. I can totally see where those three factors would equate with me looking like my dad.

I don't consider it an insult that people on my dad's side of the family always told me I looked like my mom. I think it was probably just because I didn't look like my dad. I was fat and had long hair. How could they know that beneath all that fat and hair was the spitting image of my old man? I figured they just said I looked like my mom because comments on your appearance is the social expectation for family gatherings. And no one wanted to just come out and say that I could use a diet and a hair cut.

And now that I finally got people on my dad's side saying I look like my dad, it's kind of a badge of honor. All the work I put into loosing weight. All the blood I've lost trying to keep my head bald. And now, finally, after all the blood and sweat, my dad's family can finally see me for who I truely am. Someone else. Or not quite. One person even remarked that I moved like him. Something I just flat out wouldn't know. My entire life I never saw my dad move about without the aid of a cane or my mom, and the vast majority of my life he was stuck in a wheel chair. So wheter or not I move like him (I'm not even sure what they mean by move), I'll just have to take their word for it.

And it wasn't just one or two people. Pretty much every fucking person there remarked on me looking like my dad. Meanwhile, no one recognized my brother. He had recently died his hair black. Really black. And no one seemed to recognize him. At one point some one even said "HEY!! Where's your brother?" whilst he was standing about six feet behind me. I hardly think this is something he should be offended at, as the black hair really seems to accentuate different facial features, and what not, I don't really know anything about faces. Plus, I wouldn't be surprised if people on my dad's side of the family have the same face issue that I do. You see, I suck at recognizing people. And as it turns out, the reason I suck at it, is because ninety percent of facial recognition is done in the eyes. My anxiety disorders have me constantly avoiding eye contact. Sometimes my impulse to avoid eye contact results in my looking like quite an idiot, and it only gets worse when I'm talking to naked people. I don't like talking to naked people. I've frequently found myself having conversations with people whilst keeping my head at a ninety degree angle from the person I'm talking to. And on one occasion I managed to seriously offend a relative when I saw them at the mall and didn't say hi to them because I didn't recognize them because at no point in my life had I ever made any eye contact with the relative in question.

Anyways, all in all it was a good time. We ended up staying for an hour and a half, and we had originally intended to only stay for ten minutes. Got to chat with a lot of cool people I hadn't chatted with in a while, including my sister. We talked about Zach Gowen, tofu, and what we had been doing with our lives. My brother in law is an amatuer wrestling referee. I asked him if he'd ever seen Zach Gowen and the name didn't ring a bell. I mentioned the one legged wrestler, and they both knew who I was talking about. My sister was the one who made the most remarks about me looking like my dad, and I suppose that's what probably made it hit home. That's what made it mean something.

Meanwhile, one of my aunts tried to explain to me how I wasn't fat anymore but was merely suffering from a bad case of excess skin. Supposedly, because I used to be so fat, and I lost so much weight, that everything I've got on me right now is nothing more than skin. And that if I gave it time it would eventually reshape itself to my body. When I look at my gut that's not usually what I imagine when I think of excess skin, it looks more like a gut. Oh yeah, and one of my other aunts told me that in addition to being a great way to earn some extra cash, being a guinea pig for experimental drugs isn't that dangerous. Sure, there have been deaths. But those are the exception.

 
This Guy Has A Lot Of Faith In The Hurricane

Dougie Nunny over at Wrestling Exposed has written one of the best wrestling editorials I've read in recent past. In it he hypothesizes that great smaller main eventers come in pairs every four years. Hart/HBK. Angle/Jericho. Benoit/Guerrero. An interesting theory to say the least. He goes on to make his predictions on who will be the next two cruiserweights to become heavyweight champions.

His first pick was Chavo Guerrero. I would have though Rey Mysterio, but upon second thought Chavo is a better pick. Chavo has wrestling in his blood. Plus, he's more dynamic as a wrestler and as a performer.

Here's Dougie explaining his second pick:

-quote-

"For my second pick, I just had to go with a man who is so close right now as opposed to 3 years from now. I had to pick one who has one of the biggest fan bases in WWE today (based on pops and merchandise), one who uses big name moves and big cruiser moves as well, one who is one of the most gifted on the mic, one who has the most original gimmick in a long time, and one who can fly....literally! That's right....HURRICANE! Of course, I had to pick this guy. He broke the top 25 in the PWI for crying out loud. He bested the Rock....went toe-to-toe with Triple H, Chris Jericho, and Ric Flair. Hurricane has the total package...and even has a better package than most who main event WWE now...including Triple H! Why this guy has not been a champ yet is just behind me because it seems that whatever the situation he is in, he makes the best of it. On Smackdown, he bested Tajiri AND Kidman for the Cruiser Title. On Raw, he teamed with Kane to get the Tag Team Gold and then he went on to excel in single matches against top players. And now he has again found his groove with Rosey which allows him to do things never before thought. Hurricane as champ in the near future? It would make WWE that much better.

Like it or not, you can't argue. If history has taught us anything, it seems like the pairs come every 4 years. HBK-Hart. Angle-Jericho. Benoit-Guerrero. And like it or not, in about 3 or 4 years, we will see another pair and I guarantee you at least either Chavo or Hurricane will be in the pair. Just wait...mark my words. Go on...need a pencil? There ya go. "March 22, 2004 - Dougie Nunny said in 3 or 4 years we will see a new pair of Cruiserweights including Hurricane or Chavo Guerrero." Told you...mark my words!"


-end quote-

I wish I could copy and paste his entire editorial. I loved it that much. And I never realized that Kurt was that small. Kurt Angle is only 220. I never knew that.

He points out the Hurricane breaking the top twenty five of PWI's top 500. He makes mention of the Hurricane's victory over the Rock, plus the stellar matches he's had with Triple H, Ric Flair, and Chris Jericho. He's pretty much said everything I've been saying. It kind of sucks that we'll have to wait three to four years for this push he's prophesied. But, I've marked his words. And I pray they come to fruition.

 
I Read A Book, Then I Wrote A Report About It.

“Prior to 1937, when afflicted Indians were treated for the disease, the method most often used was excruciatingly painful and consisted of scraping or pinching the inflamed inner eyelid with small forceps, flushing the eye with a solution of boric acid, and lengthy follow-up treatments when the eyelid would be rubbed with a copper sulfate stick.” [Child, p.59]

This particular passage, from Brenda J. Child’s book Boarding School Seasons, is in reference to the trachoma epidemic that became commonplace in Native American boarding schools. This was largely due to these kids being forced to share towels and bath water, amongst other things. The method mentioned above, for treating trachoma, was fortunately done away with in 1937. Thanks to the advent of the drug sulfanilamide.

Obviously, the conditions of these boarding schools frequently fell short of ideal. As Child puts it; “By the turn of the century, tribes across the United States associated boarding schools with death” [Child, p.62]. As tuberculosis spread, officials blamed it on heredity, climate, and even superstitions on the part of the Native Americans themselves. Also, numerous officials chose to ignore the tuberculosis problem all together. It’s little surprise that, as Child states; “For sound reason, parents became convinced that boarding schools ravaged the health of their children” [Child, p.14].

Well, even if they weren’t intentionally ravaging the health of the children, they were definitely making deliberate attempts to ravage the culture of the children.

“I just hate to get [the check] cause they make fun of my name, and I don’t want them to know that’s my name.” [Child, p.29]

This quote was taken from a tenth grade girl living in a boarding school. The girl in question received checks from her reservation. A prospect she dreaded. She dreaded it because of her name, Lydia Blownsnake. When she had come to the school she asked to be addressed by a different name, a more Anglo-sounding appellation. But, whenever her checks would arrive, her cover was blown. Her secret identity was exposed. That of a Native American.

In an act that was almost as deplorable as the non-sanitary conditions which furthered the spread of diseases like tuberculosis and trachoma, overt efforts were made to make these children ashamed of their culture and heritage. Child goes onto say that “Government schools taught students to be ashamed of their names, their tribal languages, and even family surnames derived from tribal languages” [Child, p. 29]. And if you make a person ashamed of their name, you make them ashamed of their very identity. If you make a person ashamed of their language, you make them ashamed of their very understanding of life.

“[D]esertions were as common a feature of boarding school life as dull uniforms and monotonous food.” [Child, p.88]

The most frequently utilized method of out lash against the boarding schools was that of running away. Running away became a staple of boarding school culture. And it wasn’t just the mischievous students, as Child points out that “Runaways were frequently considered hard working students who were well behaved at school, and their first desertions often caught school officials by surprise” [Child, p.89]. And it wasn’t just the boys, as the girls ran off a lot as well. They just got caught more. So pretty much everyone tried to run away. Nearly everyone felt dissatisfaction with their respective schools.

And it’s little wonder. In the dictated autobiography Born A Chief: The 19th Century Hopi Boyhood of Edmund Nequatewa, the narrator goes into considerable detail about the conditions of life in a boarding school. His narration provided me with an interesting insight into Child’s work. At one point in the book Edmund remarks; “Thos that can’t get up to the windows to urinate crawl around the floor at night and urinate through these holes” [Whiting, 1993,p.91]. In this account, kids are locked into these dormitories with no access to the essential facilities. They’re forced to either urinate out the window, or urinate through the knots in the wooden floors. And it gets worse. Nequatewa goes on to discuss how the bigger kids would crap on the dormitory floors after having eaten a hearty supper.

“In this message, Wallace, fondly referred to his alma mater as ‘My Shangri-la’.” [Child, p.17]

Wallace was a White Earth Ojibwe. His widowed mother could not afford to take care of him and his sibling. During the Great Depression, the Ojibwe custom of absorbing orphaned kids into the extended family became unfeasible. The Ojibwe always put a huge emphasis on helping relatives. But, during these economic hard times, boarding schools became the only option for seeing that children were properly taken care of. And as Child so staunchly puts it; “That boarding schools proved to be a haven for some children, like Wallace, stands as a somber testimony to the poor quality of reservation life for Ojibwe families in the early 20th century” [Child, p.17].


 
The Wringer Goes Easy On Smackdown

You should try and make it a point to read the Wringer over on pwinsider.com at least once a week, it can be pretty amusing. You may or may not want to give a check out to this week's godawful Smackdown going through the Wringer. I thought he went kind of easy on them.

Anyways, I thought this remark was noteworthy:

-quote-

"Booker T’s heel turn angle is totally inexcusable. Regardless of whether or not the company thinks it, you should never, ever, announce one of your shows as “better” than the other one. “Oh, Raw’s your number one show? Well, I only want to watch the best, so I guess I’ll stop watching Smackdown, not buy any more merchandise for those performers, and stop buying the Smackdown pay-per-views.” Sound crazy? Maybe so, but I can see it happening. "

Me too. In fact my friends and I, post show, were totally agreeing with Booker's accusation of Smackdown being a minor league. You compare the main eventers on Raw to those on Smackdown (I'm not thinking of quality, so much as quantity, and maybe a little quality) and it's quite apparent. However, having a super star point this out is RETARDED. It can't be good for business, and if I was UPN I'd be pissed right now.

 
The Hurricane In Montana

Yesterday at a house show in Girardeau, Montana the Hurricane jobbed to Batista. Batista took this match via power bomb, making it the fifth time this month that the Hurricane has been power bombed by Batista.






Thursday, March 25, 2004

 
BAAAA!!!

Grand Rapids radio stations issue apologies for shitty Smackdown!!

-quote-

"Two of the Grand Rapids radio stations that gave away Smackdown tickets to contest winners during the last few weeks have been repeatedly apologizing for the "lameness" of the show on Tuesday. Evidently, many listeners had called to voice their displeasure in the lack of big name talent on the show."

 
Derp

I caught this over on rajah.com, spoilers from the Smackdown taping. I thought I'd just point out this dumb remark.

-quote-

"Now there was a reason there were no other people receiving mentionable heat… the
crowd was TERRIBLE. We already mentioned that the arena was maybe 50% full, but the
fans there had little enthusiasm or knowledge of how to get things going. We tried
to boo Booker, but people simply did not pick up on it, same with Bradshaw. Unlike
Raw in Detroit, where the crowd was HOT, do not be surprised at all if there is some
crowd noise added to this show.

This was my 5th Smackdown over the past few years, and was by far the worst, mostly
a lackluster crowd, but content as well."


Yeah well, I was trying to start a Haas chant, you don't hear me complaining. The reason the crowd was unenthused is because the show sucked. It's not the crowd's job to get things going, it's the wrestlers. We're the ones paying money. Dumbass. Booker T did a shitty job of turning heel, and the fact that these guys were "trying" to boo is proof of that.

It would have been really easy to make Booker T's heel turn not shitty. Have RVD come down to the ring totally stoked that his tag team partner got traded to Smackdown.

In his stoned voice: "Dude, you totally got traded. Now we can reform our tag team and go after the tag team titles, dude."

Booker T: "Yeah, that's a good idea."

And then Booker T would kick him in the nuts and give him the flying scissor kick. BOOM!! Instant heat.

But instead we got....

'No disrespect to these Smackdown fans, but, golly I was much happier on Raw. And by the way, I'm a pussy to boot."

To blame a bad show on a bored crowd is pretty stupid.

Plus, if you're going to give people the impression that they're going to see the Undertaker and Triple H, and you have no intention of delivering, at least up the action a bit. The best match of the night was Kidman and Dupree. What's that tell you?

Damn, what a stupid remark.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

 
The Bee Is Toast

The Shining Wizard (and yes, I love that psuedonym) from rajah.com had these words to say about the Hurricane's chokeslam in a recent article he wrote about big wrestlers.

-quote-

"If I wasn’t told on a regular basis that Mark Henry is the world’s strongest man, I’d assume that John Cena is the stronger of the two. After all, he not only FUed the Big Show at the Survivor Series, he FUed the Big Show twice within five minutes at WrestleMania. I haven’t seen Mark Henry do anything that remarkable. When Cena shows off like that, it makes bigger guys like Henry look weaker by comparison. And what’s the payoff? Is Cena any more over for those FUs? No. His push came from winning the U.S. Title, not the power display. I think this is part of the reason why Hurricane was told to stop using a chokeslam. And it makes sense. How can you ever establish the power of your big men if everyone on the roster is allowed to show off his strength? We don’t undermine the cruiserweights by allowing the entire roster to deliver hurricanranas, even though many of them could. "

Considering his Hurricane referencing moniker (altough I don't have anyway of know positively that he chose the name because it's a move used by the Hurricane, other wrestlers have used it), it's alarming that he would take the anti-Hurricane position on this one. As most Hurricane fans are in full support of the Hurricane choke slam. It wasn't the fact that the Hurricane used the choke slam that was so threatening to the big guys. It's the fact that the Hurricane's choke slam is better. He made wrestling fans sit up and notice that the choke slam isn't just a power manuever, there's an element of finesse to it. The bigger guys have shown us on quite a few occassions that power does not equal a good choke slam. And I never once saw the Hurricane do a choppy choke slam.

Also, I firmly believe that having John Cena FU the Big Show was a major aspect of his push.


 
Bullshit And Spoilers

We had one of those flirtacious waitresses. You know the kind. They sort of flirt with you. Almost make you think you have a chance with them. Just so you leave a large tip. She complimented one person's sweater, one person's vocabulary, and she totally called me "sweetie". I'm not saying that I buy into these routines. But, there's something about the whole schtick that I can feel appreiciative towards. I suppose it's probably just the effort.

It was around a quarter to eleven, we were thoroughly disheartened. We were attempting to salvage the evening via a pleasant dining experience. Friendly waiter. Good food. Hearty laughs.

Just four hours earlier, it was a different picture. We were enthused young lads heading to see WWE Smackdown at the Van Andel Arena. After having seen the asskickery that was Monday Night Raw, we assumed Smackdown was also to be a stellar show.

We weren't sure of a lot of things. But, we rested asure in a few.

The Undertaker was going to be there. We had never seen the Undertaker in person whilst doing his Dead Man gimmick. We've seen the Undertaker before. We saw him two years ago, he came down and challenged Christopher Nowinski. But, we had never seen him dead. And tonight, we were going to see him.

Also, we had found out the previous night, Triple H was going to be there. Drafted to Smackdown a mere twenty four hours ago, Triple H would be walking into the Van Andel Arena and would most likely be the dominant force on this particular episode of Smackdown.

And with everything that had transpired the previous night, it seemed, to me, only logical that Vince McMahon might make an appearance. I had never seen Vince in person before. I wasn't counting on Vince. But, I was counting on the Undertaker and Triple H.

Well guess what? None of them were fucking there. And this is the biggest load of horse shit I've ever been dealt with as a wrestling fan. The first thing to happen once Smackdown started taping, Triple H's music hits. I'm excited. I'm standing up. I'm singing along to Motorhead. But, Triple H doesn't come out. Kurt Angle does. This isn't even following any logical progression of thought. Kurt Angle is now the new General Manager of Smackdown. Okay, I suppose I can handle that? But, why the fuck did he trade Triple H back to Raw? What sense does this make?

I've asked this before, and I'll ask it again; are they trying to kill Smackdown? When Triple H got drafted to Smackdown I immediately assumed that they were doing something intelligent to compensate for Smackdown's loss of Brock Lesnar and for Edge going to Raw. Now we have about two or three guys on the Smackdown roster who are main event status. What the fuck? And Paul Heyman's gone. I can tolerate missing out on Paul Heyman for the sake of an ECW return, but why the hell wasn't Triple H there? He was in Detroit the night before. Couldn't he have at least stopped over to Grand Rapids to explain for himself that he got traded back to Raw?

Seriously, that was like the big moment of the lottery on Monday, Triple H getting drafted to Raw. But, what do we get the following evening?

"Hey, by the way, I traded Triple H back to Raw. I know you all came here expecting Triple H. And I imagine a few of you even bought tickets today once you heard Triple H was going to be here. But, here's Booker T instead. He's not as good."

That's horse shit, is what it is.

So Booker T comes out and he's all; "I'm Booker T, I'm better than the Undertaker."

Surely, the wouldn't have had Booker T bring up the Undertaker if they had no intention of actually delivering on the Undertaker.

I was eagerly waiting for the lights to drop.

I'm still waiting.

But it wasnt' just the Undertaker and Triple H that didn't show their face to the Grand Rapids crowd. There was no Big Show. There was no Rey Mysterio. And plus, John Cena didn't wrestle. He came out and did some rapping. And he was great. But, he didn't wrestle.

We were all pretty pissed off.

Raw on Monday ended with a huge fucking shmoz betwixt the entire Raw roster and the entire Smackdown roster. Smackdown ended with Bradshaw slapping Eddie Guerrero around a tad. What the fuck is this? You don't give us a sixty person contained riot one night and then Bradshaw beating up Eddie the next. Bradshaw is a heel now, that's fine. But, what the fuck is he doing jumping Eddie Guerrero? That doesn't make any sense. It's stupid. It's bullshit.


Hey, everbody!! It's Triple H!! And he's wearing a Smackdown t-shirt!! Triple H is wearing a Smackdown t-shirt!! Because he's on Smackdown!! Smackdown has acquired the services of Triple H!! He came out wearing a Raw shirt, then he dramatically rips it off to reveal a Smackdown shirt!! This is to symbolize how he's no longer on Raw, but is now an employee of Smackdown!! That's what the shirt is for!! It lets you know which brand he belongs to. And it's ever so apparent that he belongs to the Smackdown brand.

No....wait. They just fucking shitted us.

 
The Hurricane In Detroit

Apart from a few shots panning the Raw roster backstage, the Hurricane wasn't on Monday's episode of Raw. However, he was featured on Heat going over some jobber. Nothing to get excited about.

Monday, March 22, 2004

 
What The Hell? I Mean It's Great And All, But None The Less, What The Hell?

I was pretty stoked to find out that at the Heat taping on Monday night the Hurricane and Rosey were finally put over Kade and Jindrak. But, then I tuned into Heat last night to actually watch the match and it was even better than I expected. The guys put on a twenty minute match, with all four men doing an excellent job. Even Rosey, who can't really hang with the other three guys as far as technique is concerned (and that's not an insult by any means), looked good in this match, given ample opportunity to kick some ass. The match was so long that they actually had to cut to a commercial break, something I certainly can't recall them ever doing during a Hurricane match. This match was definitely a treat and made my otherwise boring Sunday at home a bit more enthusing.

And then come to find out, last night at a house show in Fourt Wayne, Indiana, the Hurricane and Rosey were involved in a triple threat tag team match against La Resistance and Kade and Jindrak. And they took that one too!

This turn of events kind of has me wondering 'what the hell?'. With the lottery tonight my mind is obviously on the Hurricane getting shifted to Smackdown and hooking up with the cruiserweight division. But, if these two matches are a sign of a potential push to come, than maybe that's not the scenario I should be hoping for. On the other hand, maybe they plan on splitting them up tonight and these two victories are being offered as departing compensation for a tag team that has gotten dicked over pretty hard for the past six months.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

 
The Hurricane Lucky To Be Wrestling For The WWE?

With the upcoming lottery, Octavio Fierros from PWTorch.com put togeth a nice little article comparing wrestlers now with where they were at during the initial draft when the company split into two brands about two years ago.
Here's his analysis of the Hurricane:

-quote-

"I wondered why The Hurricane jumped to Raw, since all the cruiserweights were featured on Smackdown. Very entertaining superstar with a great gimmick. Had one of the most entertaining segments with The Rock last year on Raw. Shane Helms probably knows he might never win a title, but is having a fun time and he is considered lucky to be wrestling for the number one promotion in wrestling.
Grade: C+"


-end quote-

Well, initially when the Hurricane jumped to Raw he formed a non-sensical but incredibly amusing tag team with Kane and they took the tag titles. No one could ever forget the uniting of the Hurrifans and the Kanaanites. At the time I wasn't reading on line wrestling sources like Lords of Pain, so I never became acquainted with the reasons for the Hurricane's jump. But, I do know that the Hurricane and Kane were totally kickass. The only complaint I had was when they did that big four way for the tag titles, which for some reason was voted as the best match in the history of Raw when they did that godawful tenth anniversery special, the storyline had the Hurricane getting injured and sitting that one out. Kind of shitty to keep the Hurricane out of that match, if you ask me.

The segments with the Rock were, in my mind, easily the most entertaining thing to happen in the WWE last year.

It's possible to see the Hurricane not winning any titles anytime soon, if he doesn't get shipped to Smackdown. I'm just going ahead and assuming he's getting switched to Smackdown.

But, the main point I want to make is that the Hurricane is not lucky to be working in the WWE. The WWE has made a bundle on Hurricane merchandise. I see this as being the main thing keeping the Hurricane's job safe at times when the WWE may be looking to axe some of the lesser used characters. How many people in a WWE stadium audience do you see wearing Spike Dudley t-shirts or Ultimo Dragon masks? As long as the Hurricane is generating considerable revenue for the company he certainly isn't "lucky" to keep their employment. Plus, he's talented as fuck.

Friday, March 19, 2004

 
St. Joseph

I attended the daily mass on Wednesday, which of course was St. Patrick's Day. And as I was driving to the church I was thinking about how it was St. Patrick's Day, and how I should probably do some drinking later in the evening. I pondered what kind of beer I would buy, I was thinking something Irish. I ended up going with Killian's Irish Red, because it was cheaper than Guinness. Today I got criticized by an Irish friend of mine for my selection of KIR, I thought it was a fine beer. My typical beer of choice is Labatt Blue, and I get Molson Ice for special occassion, although that may change since the Royal Rumble when I had my first taste of Molson XXX. I don't experiment alot when it comes to beer, mainly just Labatt Blue, and I almost always make certain to stay within the Canadian border. But, for St. Patrick's day, I decided to make an exception, I picked an Irish beer, and according to my Irish friend, I didn't do a very good job of selectin an Irish beer. He gave me some rule of thumb about holding it up the light and judging it's transperancy. So I arrive at the church, and I notice that there's slightly more people than usual. So then I wonder to myself, "What is it a holiday? Why's there so many people here?". So the priest gets up and thanks everyone for being here on the feast day of St. Patrick. Then I feel like an idiot.

I think this falls under that whole "being Catholic but not thinking Catholic" experience that I've alluded to in the past.

Anyways, today is an even more significant day for me, as it is the feast day of St. Joseph (although it probably won't be anymore by the time I get this thing published). St. Joseph is my baptismal saint, the saint who's name I took when I was baptized. It made for a delightful string of coincidences, as the dude I had asked to be my godfather totally had St. Joseph as his baptismal saint, and the resident nun belongs to a convent called the Sisters Of St. Joseph, and she actually named her dog Joseph. So I got a couple "how bout that" moments out of my selection.

The reason I picked St. Joseph as my saint is mainly due to my preoccupation with death. And it's sort of wierd, because I've always secretly yearned to not have to suffer through a long and painful death. My long and painful life is bad enough. St. Joseph, as it goes, died in the arms of Jesus and Mary. And there's really not a better way to go out then that, I suppose. So they made St. Joseph the patron saint of happy deaths, the patron saint of dying, and the patron saint of departing souls. And that's why I wanted him as my baptismal saint. I wanted to have that guy watching over me, making extra sure I die a quick and unexpected death.

And because he was the spouse of Mary, they've also made him the patron saint of finding a good wife. Which is odd, because according to some accounts I've heard, St. Joseph didn't really want to marry her. Not that he was opposed to the idea, but he was hardly the blond nineteen year old portrayed in that one movie with a sword and brash intentions of marrying the Hebrew maiden against the wishes of her parents. I've accepted the variation where Joseph was a really old widower with a few kids. As the story goes, Joseph got bethrothed and then took off for a few months to do some carpentering. When he got back, Mary was pregnant (or preggers, as is the new slang). So here's this old guy, I'm imagining about late sixties early seventies (some accounts have him at ninety, which doesn't seem right, then he would have been like one hundred and two when they lost Jesus and found him three days later in the Temple). He gets married to this fifteen year old girl, he wasn't enthused about this idea, because he probably sees this as picking up an extra kid to take care of as opposed to a woman to serve as a companion through out the last years of his life. He goes off to work and comes home to find her pregnant. Obviously St. Joseph had to be older than Mary. Joseph is no where to be found during Jesus' ministry or crucifixion, if Joseph was alive he would have been right there. If Joseph was as young as Mary, then for him to be dead already would have been noteworthy, and thus mentioned in the Bible. But, Joseph was pretty old. So when he died, no one really thought anything of it, so it never got mentioned in the Bible.

But that completely sucks that it's not mentioned in the Bible. The fact that Joseph died in the arms of Jesus and Mary is essentially concluded. We've already concluded that Joseph died before Jesus went out into the world, so it seems natural that Mary and Jesus would be right there. But, this is one of the most significant deaths ever. He died the most pleasant death a human could possibly experience, and it's not mentioned in the Bible. Then again, Mary's death isn't mentioned either. So let's face it, they left a lot of stuff out. Crucial stuff, dammit. I also think that if Saint Joseph is going to be the patron saint of finding a good wife, then he should also be the patron saint of not having sex with your wife. I sometimes wonder what Joseph's first wife was like. Boy, she really got pushed to the back seat on that one. And why don't more people wonder about that one? If he's the patron saint of finding a good wife, then I bet his first wife had to pretty cool as well.

So I attended mass this morning to celebrate the feast of St. Jospeh. But, that's not all!! Oh no! St. Jospeh has another feast day, on May 1st. May Day. I guess it was in the forties or fifties, I'm not sure, but sometime around then the Pope (I think it would hav been Pope Pius XII) made May 1st the feast day of "St. Joseph The Worker" (because Joseph was quite the worker) just to spite the Communists. How cool is that? Needless to say, it did irreputable damage to the already crappy relationship betwixt the Catholics and the Communists. And the fact that there's an actual Catholic holiday which is devoted to making fun of Communists is too cool, and I'll be sure to have my ass in the pew on that most holy day.

The reason I like Joseph is because he lived a long hard life. Being a carpenter in first century Judea under Roman rule was hardly an enviable position. His fifteen year old wife winds up pregnant whilst he was off working for four months. Then he has to take his family and run off and hide in Egypt. But, when it's all said and done, he ends up dying the most congenial death ever known to mankind. And because of that, I can pray to him and ask him to make sure that I don't wind up burning to death.


Thursday, March 18, 2004

 
What The Hurricane's Up To This Weekend

The Hurricane will be making two appearances signing autographs in Ontario this Saturday. First in Mississauga then in Kitchener. Then on Sunday he'll probably be tuning into Heat to watch him and Rosey take care of Kade and Jindrak. Then on Monday it's off to the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit. And then maybe, just maybe, on Tuesday he'll be rolling into Grand Rapids to make his presence felt in the Van Andel Arena.

 
Lost Without The Hurricane?

Buck Woodward at pwinsider.com had these words to say about the Hurricane and Rosey in a recent editorial dealing with implications of the impending lottery.

-quote-

"If this duo were to be split up, Hurricane would probably be fine, as his superhero gimmick is always enjoyable, and if he were put on the show with the Cruiserweight Title, he could be worked into that division. Rosey, on the other hand, would be lost without Hurricane at this point. Does anyone really want to see Robin without Batman? Still, the Super Hero In Training gimmick has a limited shelf life, and Rosey could be repackaged as a monster, giving Big Show, Kane and Undertaker another "big man" to work with."

I seriously doubt that Rosey would be lost without the Hurricane. If the Super Hero In Training gimmick has a limited shelf life, then if anything, the Hurricane would be serving as a hinderance to any possible further development for Rosey. I don't know about repackaging Rosey as a monster, more like a henchmen. He was Eric Bischoff's henchmen, then he joined forces with Teddy Long, that obviously didn't last, and now he's a sidekick. From henchmen to sidekick, and I could imagine him doing better than both, but as for being repackaged as a monster probably not. And higher ups probably wouldn't have him "work with" Big Show, Kane, and the Undertaker so much as they would feed him to them. Although, with Rosey's size and potential for intimidating persona, it could make for an impressive feed.

And as for his remark about working the Hurricane into the cruiserweight division. That's kind of obvious. Although, I recently read on the Hurricane's Q+A section of his site, that he didn't want to go after the cruiserweight title and he'd rather go after a title he hasn't already held. That would be great and all, but he obviously isn't going to have a run at the IC title any time soon, nor the U.S. title. No one in charge is going to let the Hurricane take a title off of Orton and Cena. And us Hurrifans want to see Shane take a title. So I want to see him in the cruiserweight division. And besides, I'm not really sure how genuine Shane is in those remarks, he may want to convey the impression that he's happy with wherever the WWE sticks him, but I wouldn't doubt that the Hurricane would love the push that would come courtesy of a cruiserweight title reign. I know Shane getting on Chavo's brand and snatching up the title is the main thing on my wrestling related consciousness right now.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

 
What I'm Feeling Right Now Is Part "Wow!" And Part "Phwew!"

Last night during the taping of Sunday Night Heat, the Hurricane and Rosey finally went over Kade and Jindrak. With this being something like their fifth televised match with Kade and Jindrak in the past few months, it's uplifting to see the Hurricane and Rosey finally eek out a victory.

 
They're Getting All Switched Up

The big news right now is the lottery. And for me, the really exciting part is that I'll be in attendance at the Smackdown taping the night following the the lottery. So I have no earthly idea what exactly I'm in for. Although, certain things are to be expected. With the next Raw exclusive PPV being held in Edmonton, Alberta, they obviously are going to keep Benoit on Raw. And it seems likely that they'll want to keep Benoit, Triple H, and HBK all on the same program. So, there's three guys for whom it's fairly safe to say that they'll be staying putt. And I can go on with other such syllogisms. But, I won't.

My immediate hope was that this would send the Hurricane to Smackdown. With just one week standing betwixt me and the Van Andel Arena, it would definitely make my day to have the Hurricane shipped to Smackdown just in time to get him on the bill in Grand Rapids, Michigan. But, with an upcoming Raw house show at my school, MSU. Plus, the yearly Raw at the Van Andel that happens every summer, it's safe to say I'll be seeing the Hurricane soon, regardless. So, I suppose with that particular factor in mind, it doesn't really matter to me where he ends up. Plus, with everyone being all switched up, it doesn't do me any good to have the Hurricane on Smackdown if they end up putting all the good cruiserweights on Raw. So all in all, my biggest concern isn't with what show the Hurricane winds up on, but who else winds up on the show that the Hurricane winds up on. In particular, the cruiserweight champion Chavo Guerrero. I imagine whichever show Chavo lands on is going to get the lion's share of the good cruiserweights.

This is a great opportunity for a much needed change of pace for the Hurricane. And this lottery is especially exciting for us Hurricane fans. With Lesnar and Goldberg leaving, Triple H running off to shoot another movie, and Angle taking some time off in the near future to nurse another injury, they definitely plan on using this lottery angle to push some of the midcard wrestlers up a notch or to. Here's hoping.

 
The Hurricane At WrestleMania XX

The Hurricane and Rosey actually had a quick cameo at WrestleMania XX. Although, if you blinked, you missed it. It was amusing, however, during the Rock's monologue the camera pans to the Hurricane and Rosey. The Hurricane is holding a hamburger and panics and tosses it to Rosey. And the Rock makes another disparaging remark about Rosey's weight.

So the Hurricane gets a total of three seconds of camera time at WM XX. Meanwhile, Scotty 2 Hotty is actually on the bill, and actually wins the match in which he's involved. There's something very wrong with the picture.

My other thoughts on WrestleMania:

The word that best describes my feelings about Benoit taking the title: relieved.

Trish Stratus: HOTTEST HEEL TURN EVER!!!

And the Undertaker looks like Vampire Hunter D.


Yessir. All he needs is the face on his hand. Wouldn't that make his choke slams totally bad ass?

 
Nothing Much

What I have posted below is an essay I wrote for one of my anthropology classes. The assignment was to interview two women about their religiosity through out their childhood and growing up and on into adulthood. Due to my bout with bronchitis, I was forced to tighten up on the trajectory of my subject pool and I wasn't able to devote the amount of time to subject inquiry that I had originally set my intent upon. I'll probably get a C for it. My guess. I've been kind of fuckng up in this class, mainly due to bad weather and bad health. Although I'm quite enjoying the class. The professor is quite delightful. I just keep fucking up. My fucking up in this class played a minor role in my descision to move to East Lansing this fall. I'm sick of driving an hour to class and I'm sick of missing class whenever I'm too sick of driving an hour to class to actually go to class.

The assignment was to read a book and interview two women. I had to write little analyses of the interviews, then compare the women I interviewed to women in the book. I intentionally picked subjects who would give Christocentric and conservative answers. Hanging around at a university, I've kind of gotten tired of all the "open minded" people.


 
Here's An Essay I Wrote For A Class

Woman Number One
“In my latter teen years, actually early twenties, I became a ‘hippy’ and through friends’ influence became a person who believed in God but NOT Jesus. Funny, it didn’t change my life much. If I wanted to lie I would, with no guilt[y] feelings.”
These words very much stood out to me. They were espoused by the first woman I had chosen to interview for this assignment. This woman seems to be strongly implying, if not flat out declaring, that a belief in God serves little use without a faith in Jesus Christ. She elaborates upon an absence of moral standards. As if to imply that a moral standard is essential to a genuine relationship to the particular Deity in question.
She goes on to say; “I could actually see the creator make circumstances in my life which slowly led me back to a belief system that embraced Jesus Christ as the Creator Himself”. She fits the description of “born again”. Earlier in the interview she discusses her father’s conversion story. She alludes to a stern, religious upbringing courtesy of two very religious parents. However, a side story is implied. Her mother was a “silent” Seventh Day Adventist. And as she says about her father; “He would argue with other Christians if their views of the Bible were different”.
What we can conclude here is that she was raised in an environment of staunch fundamentalism and maybe even some tension on the part of the parents. She says that as a young person her thinking became more in tuned with her father. Meanwhile, what influence was had by the Seventh Day Adventist grandmother during the father’s atheistic years becomes drowned out by the father’s new found sense of religiosity. The one thing that remains is a devotion to the deity of Christ.
Eventually she breaks apart from the religious thinking of her father, and due to the influence of peers becomes a “hippy”. As mentioned in the quote above, the influence of her new social group led her to believe in God but not in Jesus. And she even later goes on to say that use of hallucinogenic drugs made her very aware of the spiritual realm. What we have here is an ambiguous sense of spirituality with no theology or moral standards to hold it together. To give it flesh.
She speaks of a painful divorce which had left her confused. She no longer feels like she has a place in this life style. And after witnessing what hallucinogenic drugs had done to some of her friends, she becomes afraid of hallucinogens despite the fact that they had made her aware of the spiritual realm. She is left shattered and disenfranchised with the hippy culture. And her ambiguous spirituality proves insufficient when dealing with some of the harder scenarios life has to offer.
“I could actually see the creator make circumstances in my life which slowly led me back to a belief system that embraced Jesus Christ as the Creator Himself.”
Her ambiguous spirituality had led her back to her initial religiosity. Thus completing the cycle. Thus making her truly “born again”. The progression from vague spirituality to indoctrinated religiosity is even paralleled in this very sentence. You’ll notice that the first time she uses the word “creator” she spells it with a lower case “c”; “I could actually see the creator”. At the end of the sentence the word “creator” is spelled with a capital “C”; “Jesus Christ as the Creator Himself”. Her first utilization of “creator” is really more of a mere pronoun, whereas her second utilization of the appellation “creator” is clearly functioning as a title.
But, she isn’t simply going back to the religion of her father. In addition to her renewed invigoration she also has a new found perspective. She has a new approach to the Christian faith which is more liberated and more tolerant of diversity, I suppose.
“This belief system is constantly changing. I constantly see more of God’s love and acceptance for men who they are and who He can make them to be rather then what they think, the core has remained though, Jesus is the Christ, the only Son of the Living God.”
Her belief system is constantly changing. She sees God’s love as more encompassing. The love of God and the communion of believers is the product of a shared faith as opposed to an adherence to an identical creed or theology. This new found sense of tolerance becomes crucial as she belongs to an extended family that is somewhat divided religiously, what with all those Seventh Day Adventists. However, on the issue of the deity of Christ, she is unwavering. She becomes more accepting, but she draws a line when it comes to Jesus.
As for the issue of her body, she refrains from smoking, drug use, alcohol abuse, and immodest dress. When addressing this issue of the body in light of religion, she goes on to say; “I believe that the Spirit of the Living God ‘tabernacles’ in my body so He affects every part of my life”.
She references this idea of the body as tabernacle. In Christian theology, Christ as the second person of the Blessed Trinity renders the Divine present in the body of the practitioner. The human body becomes a tabernacle. And in Catholic theology this idea is taken even more literally. This theology provides a unique perspective on the relationship betwixt body and spirituality that isn’t present in the other Abrahamic faiths, and is often over looked by both Christians and non-Christians alike.
Her Christian faith gives her a sense of identity, purpose, and direction. Her sense of identity is expanded, taken to another level. However, her sense of community is much more vague.


Woman Number Two
“I believe my body is the temple of the Holy Ghost. Therefore I gave up smoking and drinking and things that would destroy my temple.”
Just as the first woman I interviewed, woman number two also made an allusion to this concept of body as tabernacle. She views her body as a literal temple which is inhabited by the Holy Ghost, the third person of the Blessed Trinity. This isn’t seen as figurative, but as God actually dwelling within the physical body. In Christian theology, it’s Christ’s sacrifice of His life that makes it possible for the Divine to be rendered present within the physical body of the practitioner. That’s not to say that all Christians treat their bodies as temples of God, but the two women I happened to interview seem to take this theological principle seriously and apply this to their life in some manner or the other.
Both woman claim to neither smoke nor drink, because it is destructive to their bodies, which they view as tabernacles. Although both women say that they do drink in moderation. Neither of these women make any alterations to their dietary habits on account of their religiosity. Although the first woman specified not eating food which has been offered to idols, although that’s hardly a concern.
The second woman didn’t have a religious upbringing. Her grandmother had been a minister, which was the reason for moving to America from Scotland. Unspecified incidents had occurred in her mother’s life so that she wouldn’t share the religious fervor of the minister grandma. She makes mention of occasionally going to church with her friends, but really having no religious upbringing.
“I was radically changed on October 23, 1983 when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.”
Here she becomes a “born again” Christian. However here is a different variation of the expression “born again”. She doesn’t have an initial religion for her to be born again to. This particular utilization of the expression “born again” is uniquely Christian, particularly more evangelical branches of the faith. It refers to a specific moment of accepting Jesus as Christ, and doesn’t imply a previous experience with the faith, although it’s not ruled out. She even specifies a specific date, October 23, 1983, for when she was born again. This is another typical aspect of evangelical Christianity. Whereas other spirituality journeys may occur over a period of months and years, the “born again”/”getting saved” experience that is exclusive to evangelical Christianity can often be pinpointed to a specific day, maybe even hour, maybe even minute.
As the first woman did, she implies an impending self destruction. She was heavily caught up in drug and alcohol abuse. Upon being “born again”, she casts aside these practices. She decides that she is going to raise her children in the “fear of the Lord”. She wants to give her kids the religious upbringing that she didn’t have. She wants her kids to have the foundation and structure that she didn’t have. This is probably due to a fear of her kids following in her footsteps. This is a concern that I think is shared by all parents.
She views her role in the community as that of a witness for Christ. She perceives herself as serving an evangelical function. She seeks to show people the same love that had drawn her towards Christ. It’s an interesting perspective to have in light of the “Christian community”, as it implies a direct relationship to those outside of the group.


The Book
“The switch from biological father to the spiritual one is an eloquent reminder that Kariman will always be a daughter.” (Malti-Douglas p.22)
These words from Fedwa Malti-Douglas’ book Medicines Of The Soul allude to the crucial role of male authority in the Muslim world.
“Much as her book is embedded between two male textual voices, so her spiritual trajectory is validated by men.” (Malti-Douglas p. 68)
These are even stronger words. Not only does the female convert, in this case Kariman Hamza, have dominant male figures who serve as role models and religious authorities. But, the very validity of her spirituality seems dependent upon men. Without men, her spirituality isn’t quite as projective. She develops an infatuation with a religious leader that borders on erotic and obsessive. She becomes frozen with fear when this man catches her in a precarious position, not fully covered and smoking a cigarette.
“Males confirm, and provide closure to, female corporal discoveries.” (Malti-Douglas p. 101)
This particular quote makes reference to Leila Lahlou, a woman with breast cancer who seeks refuge in Islam. Here Malti-Douglas again makes reference to the role of men in women’s spirituality. Men are relied upon for validity, confirmation, and closure. Here Malti-Douglas is referring to a doctor verifying Leila’s suspicion that she has cancer. Leila’s already felt the lump. But, the doctor, a man, has verified the cancer that exists in her body. But, whereas in Kariman’s story the men provide a validation and reassurance that is sought after by the woman, in Leila’s story the men seem to represent science and technology which falls short of religion. Either way, the women in these stories rely on men.
The roles of men serve a different function in the conversion story of the first woman I interviewed. In her case, her father’s staunch fundamentalism had become a stumbling block in her spiritual journey. In her late teens, early twenties, she had decided that she didn’t want to be like her father. She embraced an alternative culture, she embraced the already dying out hippy culture. Later, she had to deal with a divorce. In both cases men had become obstacles that needed to be overcome, not untouchable proveniences of validation and reassurance. In the case of the second woman I interviewed, her husband served as a partner in the spiritual journey, but hardly a superior. As for her father, she never made any mention of any role he may have played.
Both the women I interviewed addressed an issue that was addressed in the conversion stories of both Kariman and Leila. That issue being that of impending self destruction. In Leila’s case, it’s obviously more extreme, and thus more spectacular. In the case of Kariman, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it if the author had made such a big deal about it. Kariman’s impending destruction came from her smoking. That’s it. Smoking. But, Kariman seemed to take it seriously. Just as Willie Nelson credits marijuana with saving his life because it helped him give up cigarettes cold turkey, Kariman sees Islam as saving her life for serving a similar function.
Both women alluded to drug use. But in the case of the second one, she refers to being “caught up in drugs and alcohol” and goes on to say that God saved her from her self destruction. In all four cases, these women view God as saving them from an impending self destruction. In some of these cases the impending self destruction is a little more perceived and a little less actual, or maybe it’s seen as a spiritual self destruction. Either way, they view the Deity as rescuing them from an inevitable destruction. And for that, they’re grateful.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

 
New Link

I added a link to Mr. Tito's blog. Originally I wasn't going to because he said he wasn't going to discuss wrestling. But, for some reason he does. So I've added a link. Because I think he makes great points about wrestling. Like why Bradshaw sucks.

 
Seriously, What The Fuck?!?!

Brock Lesnar is leaving the WWE and they're still planning on sending Edge to Raw anyway. Are they stupid? Are they trying to kill Smackdown? Do they hate me?

Thursday, March 11, 2004

 
Me And Car Batteries

On Tuesday I had what could only be described as a five hundred dollar repair on my car. I can't really seem to come up with any good adjectives to describe the repair that carry the same umph as "five hundred dollar". It sucks. But, boy did it ever suck the following day when after having had a five hundred dollar repair job on my car, my car wouldn't start. The two had absolutely nothing to do with each other, but it's irritating none the less.

However, the problem was simple. I just needed a new battery. And with the help of a friend I managed to get that taken care of. But, having spent most of the day in car battery related activity (buying a battery, looking at batteries, talking about the car battery, holding a flash light so some one smarter than me could replace the battery) I couldn't help but recall one of my fonder work related memories.

It was the summer of 98 and I was working at the local True Value Lawn and Garden. My main job was that of a carry out boy. I mainly hauled shit to people's cars. Stuff like sand and shit, or lawn ornaments and shit. The theme of the job seemed to be shit. My first day on the job some one had came in and purchased four hundred pounds of manure.

"You sure do have a shitty job," he joked to me when I had finished hauling all his manure.

"Yeah I sure to," I said to the man politely whilst thinking to myself 'A tip would be nice, you shit'.

Though that's not the story. The time I'm thinking of is associated with car batteries.

One day at work some one had brought in there old car battery. For some reason the True Value Lawn And Garden took people's car batteries for them. They had a big mountain of car batteries. So some one had brought in this car battery and they tell me to go put this car battery with the other car batteries. In that big old car battery pile. I take the car battery and I head outside. Car batteries are kind of heavy. I walk out the front door and the pile of car batteries is just a few yards to my right. But, it's on the other side of a chain link fence. I start thinking to myself that I don't want to walk all the way aorund the fence to get to the car battery pile. I look around. No one's around. No one sees me. So I chuck the car battery over the fence.

It lands on the pile of car batteries with a nice cracking sound. I notice the huge fucking crack in the car battery. And I notice all the battery acid pouring out all over the pile of car batteries.

'That can't possibly be good,' I thought to myself.

But, no one was around. So I went and headed back inside to do my next job. Nothing ever became of it. The place never burnt down. No one got battery acid in their eyes, or anything of the sort. But, when I got fired two months later, I looked back on that one particular moment with a sort of spiteful fondness. Even to this day it kind of brings a smile to my face everytime I remember that stupid car battery leaking acid all over the place.

I like this story because it seems to sum up me and work.

Cut to four months later.

I've been up all night just watching TV and listening to music and what not. My mom comes home and informs me that my dad has passed away. Sad news, but my dad had been sick for years and his death was an impending one. So I wasn't really distraught and I didn't feel the need to skip work.

My job at that time is delivering a local weekly newspaper called the Reminder. This was a pretty shitty job because it involved a lot of walking, as for some reason this fucking paper had to be delivered to people's door. Eventually I got the hang of just walking down the sidewalk and chucking the papers onto people's porches. But apartment complexes are a different story. It was raining, I had just been up all night watching TV. I'm tired and I'm wet. And I'm looking at this apartment complex which has about sixteen apartments that I have to deliver to. Then I start thinking to myself.........

My dad just died.

If people called and complained....no wait....I couldn't.

But it's so much walking.....and I've been up all night.

So I did it. I go ahead and skip the fucking complex. That's sixteen families who wouldn't be getting their weekly dose of local news.

So obviously my boss calls me up the following day, it's around two in the afternoon so he totally woke me up. I missed sixteen apartments. He's pretty irate. That's when I hit him with the ultimate excuse. He apologizes and tells me that he'll take care of it. I go back to sleep.

I know that sounds kind of twisted. But when you think about it, you only get to use an excuse like that legitimately once in your entire life. To this day I have no regrets what so ever about taking advantage of that opportunity. That right there is my idea of "living life to the fullest" or "seizing the day" or whatever.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

 
Good Point, Mr. Tito

Mr. Tito gave these thoughts on Shane Helms in his weekly Raw review.

-quote-

" Do they see absolutely no potential in Shane Helms (Hurricane)? If they just want to job him every week, then why not just release the guy already? I'm sure he would make another employer VERY happy with his ability, charisma, and speaking skills. Then again, that's probably why he has a WWE contract."


This is kind of an interesting theory. Could the WWE be holding on to Shane Helms simply to keep him from signing with their competitors? There's really no logical explanation for why the WWE would have one of the best in ring technicians around and never use him. They put all the big guys in storylines and main events, even though it's apparent that the fans are more interested in some of the smaller wrestlers, like the Hurricane and Matt Hardy. Then they keep all the little guys just so the other companies won't snatch them up and provide the fans with a product they would enjoy.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

 
The Hamburgler And Grimace

Considering that Monday's Raw was the final Raw before the big event, I suppose it was as good as a Hurricane fan could have anticipated. Much to my utter amusement, we were treated to a backstage segment with the Hurricane and Rock, calling to mind the segments featured during Rocky's previous return to the WWE, when he was all villianified. With the Rock back "on the side of justice" this segment lacked the same pizzazz of those past, but it was humorous none the less. We see the Rock walking down the hallway, all of a sudden he stops and says "Well, if it isn't my biggest nemesis". And the camera pans over to show the Hurricane and Rosey. Sweet Sassie Mallassie did I ever mark out for that one.


The Hurricane made a good point. The Rock does seem to have stolen the Coach's look. Also, this was of interest to me, with the backstage criticism being directed towards Rosey's weight problem, which last week had actually manifested into on air teasing by the King, it seemed odd that this segment ended with the Rock telling Rosey to "lay off the Juji Fruits".

After the segment the Hurricane and Rosey took on Randy Orton, Ric Flair, and Batista in a handicap match. With the Hurricane being in the same ring with the likes of Ric Flair and Randy Orton, I was hoping that this wouldn't be a total squash match. Maybe we'd see the Hurricane and Flair or Orton take their time and really pull on a decent match. Maybe we'd see outside interference from the Rock or Mick Foley. But nope, it was a squash match. Kind of dissapointing. But all in all, it was a good night to be a Hurricane fan. The Hurricane got more TV time than he has in a couple of months.


And with the house shows over the weekend, this makes it the fourth night in a row that the Hurricane has received a power bomb from Batista.

Monday, March 08, 2004

 
Yohannon The Immersor

A while back, and this would be quite a while, I was having coffee with my Jewish Christian friend. He's this guy I know, considerably older than myself, who's a very devout evangelical Christian and his mother is Jewish. Which according to my understanding, if your mom is Jewish that makes you one hundred percent Jewish. Regardless of whatever your pappy may be. I'm not exactly sure how that works, but I have been informed, by people who strike me as smart, that there really is no such thing as half a Jew. Knowledge of this principle kind of ruins that old joke about how my home town of Hastings is so lacking in culture and diversity that in the entire town I only know a half of a Jew.

So we use to have coffee on a regular basis. At least weekly. And we would often end up talking about various religious things and what not, and by next week he didn't seem to remember the discussion (I could do an entire post on that). One day he brought along his copy of what was called The Complete Hebrew Bible. I guess the title is intended to imply to non-Christianized Jews that their Bible isn't very complete. And I guess that this sort of Bible is created with the intent of appealing to Messianic Jews and/or Nazarean Jews *rolls eyes conspicuously*. This book is essentially like any other Bible, except all the words are all Hebrew and what not. Jesus is referred to as Yeshua. And John the Baptist is referred to as Yohannon the Immersor.

I bring this up because last week a friend and I were discussing baptism. He had been attending a little bible study with his uncle, who is some sort of clergy and Bible know it all. He brought up the point, of which I wasn't entirely aware but wasn't entirely unaware, that the word baptism essentially means to immerse. The word baptise came from the Greek word baptizo which essential means the same as the Latin word mersia. Of course, this supposed to be pointing in the direction of immersion. This friend I'm speaking with is a Baptist, I have a lot of Baptist friends, actually probably more Baptist friends than Catholic friends as I pretty much suck at making friends.

Baptists supposedly have the most rigorous standards as far as baptism is concerned. Hence the baptocentric appellation. They have these rigorous baptismal standards, but there's a few things missing from the Baptist faith. It's congregational, non-credal, and non-sacramental. So as a theologically bewildered young lad no one could give me a good fucking explanation for why I should get my ass baptised. Sure, they could tell me how to get my ass baptised. But, as for a good reason. Nope. There is none.

"Well, it's an outward expression of your inward devotion to Christ."

That's not gonna cut it.

"It's a sign of obedience."

I'm already obedient, dammit. What the hell is baptism gonna prove?

The first person to ever give me an explanation on baptism that I could comprehend was a Roman Catholic nun named Sister Mary Ursula. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: What do I have to do to become a Catholic?

Sister Mary Ursula: Well, you'll need to be baptised.

Thanks. Finally someone has given me some sort of understanding of baptism that I can actually, how do I say this... understand.

But, according to the Baptist faith I was never really baptised. Because I was never immersed. I'll sort of give them this; I was never baptised according to the orignal Greek meaning of the word baptizo. But, I've always been a firm believer that the meanings of words change over time. Because the meanings of words change over time. They just do. And some people need to get over what ever the hell some word may have originally meant in Greek. Although I'm frequently guilty of this myself. I suppose the difference would be the purpose. Examining and contemplating the Greek and/or Latin or Hebrew origins of words can, in a sense, some how sharpen our epistemological comprehension in some way (or not). I know I've learned a few things by studying the origins of the words apocalypse, passion, and hypocracy (those are just a few examples). It seems that in the case of the word baptizo, it's just for the purpose of being a spiteful, fundamentalist ass.

My godfather is drastically opposed to baptism by immersion, seeing as for some reason over the past few years a lot of Catholic parishes have been jumping on the immersion band wagon. Much to both our chagrin. I think the argument he puts forth is astute and sufficient for my liking. His first reason is simply an issue of practicality. Baptismal pools are expensive and can provide for costly, and frankly unnecessary, up keep for the church. The second reason he afforded me was that the Catholic Church has been doing it this way for hundreds of years, so why change it now? This reason I suppose would best be described as simply staunch conservativism. And there's no arguing with that. The third reason espoused wasn't so much a reason as a whimsical indignation of my former relgion; "Why should we be copying the Baptists? Let them copy us". Well put, if you ask me. And I'm sure you didn't.

But with some Catholic parishes actually performing baptism by immersion, that makes me curious. Would a Baptist recognize these Catholics as baptised whilst disregarding the rest?

From the Catholic perspective, the most crucial aspect of the baptism ceremony is that it's done in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. And that's the aspect that I would assume to be the most important. The Catholic Church recognizes all baptisms that are performed in a Trinitarian manner. Apparently the Mormons use the same terminology when baptising, but they don't quite got their theology on par with the Catholic Church in that area. But, I can't think about that too hard, because then I start wondering about the Reorganized Mormons who do accept the doctrine of the Trinity.

I think the Baptists and other fundamentalists are clinging to the wrong passages of scripture. What about the part in the Gospel where John the Baptist says "I baptise you with water, but there is one coming who will baptise you in fire and in spirit". Why aren't they latching on to that line? It would definitely make Pentecostal snake handlers all the more entertaining.

 
And Linda Likes Everything...

But she had these things to say about the Hurricane and Rosey in her editorial on last week's Raw.

-quote-

"I’m not too happy with Hurricane Helms and Rosey. It’s time to send Helms back to Smackdown where he’s needed in the Cruiserweight division, and Rosey needs to find a new gimmick."


I think it's nice that she says that Smackdown "needs" the Hurricane. Especially since the cruiserweight division on Smackdown is pretty kicking. But before they send the Hurricane over to Smackdown, which they should, they need to straigten out some of the major atrocities currently being carried out. They need to stop using Ultimo Dragon and Billy Kidman retardedly.

 
More Of The Same Old Same Old

Yesterday in Baltimore, Mariland the Hurricane jobbed to Batista. Making that three losses to the big man over the weekend, and all together four losses this week.

 
Blog

The title of this blog is a bit misleading.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

 
Sometimes These Things Sneak Under My Radar

I already mentioned the Hurricane jobbing to Batista yesterday at a house show. Apparently, he had already jobbed to Batista the night before in Syracuse, New York. That's the way things usually go, however. If they have house shows two nights in a row, they don't do a very good job coming up with new ideas for the following night.

Also, the match was reportedly the shortest match of the night, with Batista pretty much dominating the Hurricane. No surprise there.

Saturday, March 06, 2004

 
First Name: The

Here's an astute little evaluation of the RAW roster. This was posted on rajahwwf.com last week by some guy named John C. I'll go ahead and post his remarks on the Hurricane, just in case you don't feel like reading the entire thing.

-quote-

"Interesting to note that Hurricane falls with the “T”s in the WWE’s alphabet, which I guess means his first name is The. I found that bizarre. I also find the company’s use of Shane Helms to be bizarre. Here’s a guy who I LOVED in WCW. Great worker, good at getting the crowd into his matches and a strong passion for the business. Instead of ever getting behind him he’s saddled in the ridiculous comic book character gimmick. Boring. What’s funny is I see this entire Hurricane merchandise on the Shopzone website, but I NEVER see the Hurricane! I just don’t get it. They want to sell the masks to the kids, yet they don’t want to put the guy on TV. I’m confused. Helms can flat out work. He’s on the wrong show right now. Put him on Smackdown, let him go with the cruisers and get rid of the ridiculous gimmick. He’ll get over on his own if he’s given the chance to do it. Once again I throw that word out there: Opportunity. That’s what it’s all about.
Grade: C
Outlook: I think they’ll come to their senses and move Hurricane over to Smackdown where he belongs. Maybe it’ll happen at the Cruiserweight Open at WrestleMania. "




Interesting to note that this fella seems to point at a lot of the issues I've alluded to in past on this blog. The fact that the WWE wants to hawk all this Hurricane merchandise, a lot of which seems geared towards children, but they don't seem to want to put him on TV. The fact that the Hurricane would be much better off on Smackdown along with the rest of the cruiserweights. He also makes mention of a prospect about which I've already theorized, that being the Hurricane being involved with the Cruiserweight Open at WresleMania. However, and this is kind of a given, I don't feel that the Hurricane really needs to drop the gimmick in order to make any real progress. The fans love his gimmick and his merchandise sells. A guy his size, at this point in time, could never make it as the WWE Champion. And there's no reason a gimmicky character such as his can't be Cruiserweight champion. There's a bit of a glass ceiling for guys like Shane Helms, by that I mean cruiserweights, so I don't see how the super hero gimmick would hold him back in the long run. Assuming the WWE doesn't continue to butcher his character like they have been for the past six months. Put him on Smackdown with the other goofy masked cruiserweights, i.e. Mysterio and Dragon, and then everything (the mask, the gimmick, the cape, the spectacular in-ring technique) will start making sense again.

 
The Hurricane Jobs To Batista

Earilier today at a house show in Elmira, New York the Hurricane jobbed to Batista.

 
New Link

Since I've got that link to Mirror Of Justice, the blog dedicated to Catholic legal theory, I thought I'd be fair and add a link to Times and Seasons, a blog dedicated to Mormon legal theory. You can thank me later.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

 
I Gave Up Smoking For Lent And Now I've Got Bronchitis

I'm not sure if that makes any sense, and I'm pretty sure I spelled bronchitis wrong. Upon further examination, I came to the conclusion that the two weren't really related in any sort of causal manner, although the sequence was hardly mistakable. I gave up smoking for Lent and now I've got bronchitis. A couple of days of abstainance from cigarettes and I notice I'm hacking shit up. A couple days later and I've got an amateur diagnosis of bronchitis and I'm popping expired antibiotics.

And next week is spring break. So I'm going to get a nice little two week vacation here, although not quite. I had a test on Monday for my religious studies class, so I was kind of forced to go to school. I had no choice but to walk across campus when it was fory degrees and raining. My bronchials were totally aggravated.

This year the only thing I decided to give up for Lent is cigarettes. Last year I gave up cigarettes and beer. But, I had completely forgotten that the single most important night of the year, sports entertainment-wise, falls smack dab in the middle of Lent. Wrestlemania. One of several nights of the year where it's simply not feasible for me to not have a few beers. So, during my first lenten experience ever, I managed to break one of my vows. Also, St Patrick's Day lands right in the middle of Lent. Seriously, who's booking these things?

Last week I attended my first ever Ash Wednesday service. They tell ya to leave the ashes on your head all day. But, I wasn't having any of that. I went home and immediately wiped it off. If there's one thing that freaks me out, it's shit on my face. In fact, I've never in my life had my face painted. It's just another one of those things that freaks me out. Like Vick's vapor rub. They tell you to rub that shit on your chest and throat. Fuck that. I just hold the jar up to my nose and sit there watching TV. It's not so bad. I'd rather have a sore arm than crap rubbed all over me.

It always amazes me some of the things I'll hear the clergy admit to. I've heard so many people talk about various pagan influences in Catholicism. This is one of the major arguments that seems to come up from fundamentalist. But, I've heard a lot of priests give homilies in which they readily admit to various pagan influences upon Catholicism. I certaintly don't see why it's anything to be ashamed of. All religions have been influenced by pagan faiths in some way. The Hajj, the pilgrimage to Mecca which is essential for all capable Muslims, originated from pre-Islamic Arab pagan practices. The most recent priest I heard discussing a pagan influence on Catholicism was that Fr. Groeshel guy ( you know, that guy who was in that big car accident a couple of months ago). I saw him on TV last week giving an Ash Wednesday homily. I like to tune into the Catholic channel before or after I go to mass, because it always amazes me that other churches in other states read the same passages and recite the same responsorial psalms as they do at my church. It may sound stupid, but I've only been Catholic for ten months and certain facts just haven't sunk into my brain yet. I suppose I still think like a Baptist. Anyways, Lent is a keen example of this. Before the Christians adopted the practice of fasting for forty days (although it never really comes out to forty day), Roman pagans had a customary period of fasting around the same time. They fasted during the month of February. Which is why it's the shortest month of the year. Christians adopted this practice and associated it with the forty days Christ spent fasting in the dessert.

I've already managed to get insulted on behalf of my abstinence from smoking. I was playing Scrabble with a friend of mine at the local coffee shop and mentioned that I wasn't smoking for the time being and a lady from my parish overheard and decided to butt into the conversation.

"You stopped smoking for Lent?"

"Yes."

"And you're going to start back up when Lent is over?"

This question kind of baffled me. Isnt' that how Lent works? But, I answered anyway.

"Yes."

"That's really stupid."

I tried to smile politely. I tried to reply to brash indignation with my typical nervous gestures. But, I suppose that's just not enough to deter some people.

"No seriously. That's really stupid."

Well, what can I say in a situation like this. If I'm doing Lent wrong, well, I'm sorry. I'm still a newbie.

Besides, it wasn't really my keen intellect that drew me towards this religion in the first place.






 
I Was Just Making Sure There Were No Evil-doings Going On.

Two Hurricane related items on WWE.com in one day. Not bad. This here is just a quick True or False interview with the Hurricane and another one of my favorites, Edge.

 
The Hurricane VS. Canada


WWE.com has posted a story on the drug charge that Shane Helms carries in Canada. Recently the whole scenario managed to come to a happy conclusion with the Hurricane hitting the books and getting the penalty overturned.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

 
Pete Rose

First Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake becomes a suspected terrorist, now this. Pete Rose will be inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame. However bizarre, I find it very amusing and I kind of think it's not that bad of an idea.

About a month ago I was just sitting around in the local coffee shop when some guy sitting in the table behind me asked me if I cared whether or not Pete Rose made it into the Baseball Hall Of Fame. I told him that I wasn't really the best person to ask that question. Because to me, Pete Rose was the guy who got tombstoned by Kane at Wrestlemania three years in a row. I don't know anything about baseball, but I am somewhat familiar with the story behind Pete Rose. I do firmly believe that he should be in the Baseball Hall Of Fame. It is, afterall, called the "Hall Of Fame" and not the "Hall Of Fame And Honor". However, it's not a cause I'm going to take up. But, if Pete Rose wants to spend the rest of his life going on TV and talking about how he should be let into the Hall of Fame, I can hardly blame him. He's kind of like that silly rabbit. Just let him have some fucking trix.

With most of my Pete Rose awareness coming from the WWE, I have to say I'm quite impressed with the guy. I've always thought he must be one hell of a character to keep appearing at Wrestlemanias in such a self-abasing capacity. Even one time dressing up as the San Diego Chicken, only to get tombstoned by Kane. And, as I had been hoping ever since last year, Pete Rose will be making an appearance at WM XX. He will be attending the WWE Hall Of Fame induction ceremony, the day before Wrestlemania XX, and his presenter will be Kane. One has to wonder in what way will Pete Rose make his presence known at WM XX. Will he interfere in the Kane/Undertaker match? Or do higher ups fear that would deplete the gravitas of this match?

As a wrestling fan, I approve of this idea. Sure, there are people out there who actually deserve to be inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame. But, Rose's ongoing fued with Kane has made for some of the most memorable Wrestlemania moments of the past decade. Plus, and I'm sure Vince is aware of this, it's a great way to garner some mainstream media attention. And with how much the WWE has been falling short over the past few weeks, as far as hyping up this event is concerned, I'd say they could use a publicity stunt like this.

 
Evolution Kool Aid

The Hurricane was seen in action on Raw last night. Once again, he was teaming up with Rosey to take on Kade and Jindrak. The exact same match I had seen the night before on Heat. I was expecting similar results. Then, come to find out, the winner of this match would be heading to Wrestlemania to compete in a fatal four way for the tag team titles. The Hurricane and Rosey going to Wrestlemania? Now I was positive that Kade and Jindrak were going to take this one. Because, who wants to see the Hurricane at Wrestlemania? Why would the fans want to see one of their most beloved in ring personalities when they could see some tag team that currently has no real momentum? And in case you haven't figured it out, the Dudleys are going to be the fourth team in this match.

So this match is going to be RVD and Booker T vs. Kade and Jindrak vs. La Resistance vs. The Dudleys. Looks like I'm going to be pulling for La Resistance in this match.




And with that, what little hope I had of seeing the Hurricane actively involved with Wrestlemania XX vanishes. And with recent talk of backstage complaints about Rosey's weight problem and his refusal to do anything about it, I can't help but wonder if Rosey is dragging Shane down. However, I still see one little glimmer of hope for the Hurricane as far as WM XX is concerned. That being that when Paul Heyman booked the cruiserweight open for WM XX, he said that it was open to all cruiserweights, and I noticed that he did not specify that it was supposed to be Smackdown exclusive. So could we see a surprise appearance by Shane Helms at WM XX. Yeah, probably not. But, I thought I'd put my theory out there anyway. Just in case I turn out to be right.