Friday, October 31, 2003

I Missed The Hurricane

I mentioned on this blog that I was going to tune into Sunday night Heat to watch the tag team match with the Hurricane and Rosey taking on some no names. Well, I fucking forgot that they were going to be doing a Joe Shmoe marathon on Spike TV and they had moved Sunday night Heat over to Saturday. So, I missed that match.

Oct. 27th, 2003 Raw: Who The Hell Is Little Johnny?

Yup, Monday night we got to see the Hurricane in another backstage segment in which new WWE talent John Heidenreich (ok, I honestly have no idea how to spell his name, I've never seen it in wriiting). Rosey was doing his journalist bit again, which is amusing though I've been thinking that it's been a long frickin time since we've seen Ace Reporter Gregory Helms. The Hurricane referred to little Johnny as Heidenriiech's son, he told him that he wasn't his son and then began to whisper in his ear and that was followed by some classic Hurricane mugging.

The Hurricane was then featured in a match with Hieiedennnerechiech against La Resistance. The Hurricane and John managed the pull out the victory, and Heieidendriedche seemed to have an impressive debut. This match saw some really good moves out of the Hurricane. The highlight for me was when one of the guy's from La Resistance whips him to the ropes and the Hurricane just fucking jumps over the top rope out of the ring and on to the other member of La Resistance. It was quite the breath taking jump.

And after the match the Hurricane and Heidrenich (I just looked up his name on another site, so from here on out I'll try to spell it properly) spent some time shaking hands with some of America's finest. It's always good to see the boys in the WWE pay homage to our troups.

Here are a couple of other thoughts I had:

It fucking sucks that the Dudleys are going to be on Team Austin.

I really don't want to see Triple H versus Goldberg at Survivor Series. Why the hell are they having a main event match in which one of the guys featured in the match won't even be on TV in the weeks leading up to it? How the hell are they supposed to build momentum for it?

On a happy side, we did find out that the match betwixt Kane and Shane is going to be an ambulance match! If they keep playing their cards right on this feud, it could be favorite feud ever. Let's look at what we've seen so far. The return of Shane was fucking sweet, obviously. Shane pushed Kane into a firey dumpster. Kane electricuted Shane's testicles. Shane took a thirty jump. Shane driving the limo into the truck. This feud has been fucking sweet so far. And with the match at Survivor Series being an ambulance match, God only knows can happen.

Saturday, October 25, 2003

There's A Hurricane Coming.....No Wait, False Alarm

I just realized that I haven't seen the Hurricane wrestle in over three weeks. The last time he was seen competing on TV was on September 30th when he took on Kane. That's pretty disgusting, especially when Maven has been pushed down our throat quite excessively over the past month or so. But, I'll be sure to tune into Heat tomorrow to catch the Hurricane and Rosey in tag team action.

Friday, October 24, 2003

A Collection Of Sophisticated Indulgences

I started this blog mainly as an excuse to hone my skills. I did so under the pretense of a journalistic resource intended to follow and analyze the career of one Mr. Gregory Shane Helms. I didn't really have any other outlet. I know a few people read this thing, and that's really the only excuse I need to keep working on this shit. I've put thought into writing some sort of book thingy, or maybe like a glorified pamphlet kind of like something you might get for a time share facility but with less useful information.

Before this, as I've mentioned, I had a short stint as a movie critic for the Kellogg Community College monthly newspaper, The KCC Bruin. I wasn't super excited about the idea of reviewing movies because in all reality I'm not really much of a movie buff. Last Friday I went to see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I wasn't enjoying the movie horribly and the people sitting around us were quite obnoxious. So I stepped outside for a quick cigarette. When I headed back to the theater, the doors were locked, and I was stuck outside waiting until the movie got out and my unsuspected friends found my wondering around baffled post credits. The point is, that's the sort of scenario that true movie buffs don't wind up in. So when my literature teacher asked me to write movie reviews for the Bruin, I wasn't horribly excited. But when she told me I could do any movies I want and they didn't have to be recently released cinematic presentations my eyes widened. I saw an opportunity to get creative with something. And when I say creative, I mean stupid. And the movie review below is an example of that sort of creativity. And when I say creativity, I mean stupidity. If I was still writing review for the Bruin I probably would have written one for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and the review would have been nothing more than a stretched out account of getting locked out of the theater.

My lit. teacher seemed to have alot of faith in me. She actually entered the review posted below in some contest or whatever. We had a beautiful relationship. I would see her every now and then and she'd say something about the paper or what not. I would e-mail her my reviews and they would get published in the paper. That was really the extent of my involvement. I never was involved in any of the meetings or in any other aspect of the process. I was fairly detached. But, I like it that way. I hope to someday have a job in which I am in no way involved in any of the bureaucracy or politics, and I just stay home and e-mail in my contributions to the establishment's product. So anyway, back to my point. My teacher entered the review in some contest. And the judges didn't like my article at all. They said, and this here's a quote: "It's not really a review of anything". They even criticized my use of the word 'whilst', which to this day I keep it as my go to weapon in my journalistic arsenal. But, they did say it was a well written "story". In all fairness it was a "story". But, I was expanding the boundaries of what is and isn't a movie review. Actually, I was just being a stubborn bitch who didn't really want to review movies, but wanted to write about idiotic things, so I got a little creative whilst reviewing movies. And by creative, I mean stupid.

I liked the criticism of my use of the word "whilst". It told me that I was doing something right. If I can grab people's attention via the utilization of one mere monosyllabic word with no annexation to any sort of social taboo, then I think I'm kicking some ass.

The only problem I had was with the title the good folks at the Bruin gave my article. They entitled it "Can't Hardly Wait and the Spirituality of Mindless Teen Flicks". I didn't like that title at all because I fealt the whole spiritual aspect was something that was just being hinted at. To come out and say, and to actually put it in the title, kind of kills it. But, then again this is a community college we're talking about it, I can see where some of the students would need it spelled out for them in BIG FUCKING LETTERS!!!! I suppose it also my fault for never giving my stupid movie reviews a title.

I like this article. I think it captures me at my most sophisticated and self indulgent.

Here's Another Old Movie Review I Did For The Bruin

I woke up that day sometime around 3 P.M. And I have to say I was feeling exceptionally lousy. I recently had to quit my job for the simple reason; I couldn't take it anymore. Waking up at four in the morning on weekends whilst going to school during the week looks great on paper, but in all actuality it's pretty exhausting. My grades were suffering, and I had no choice. Whilst in high school I had heard people talk about their glorious college days, doing twenty credit hours, working full time, supporting a family, going to war, and getting by with three hours of sleep a night. But, I couldn't do it. I had failed miserably at what every other guy my age is effortlessly succeeding at.

My buddy Steve showed up around four, and he could see the despair etched in my face.

"You know what you need?" he said to me.


"A mindless teen flick extravaganza!!!!"

My face lit up with hope. Ohhhh, the unimaginable bliss of an entire day spent watching teen flicks. If only we could share this experience with the entire world, but we're fairly particular about who we socialize with, so we decided to just invite Ben. So, we called up our good friend Ben, and headed for Movie Outpost.

I insisted that out of all the teen flicks, we most definitely had to rent "Can't Hardly Wait.” That is, in my opinion, the best teen flick by far. It's not one of the recent block busters, and it wasn't one of the early pioneers, but it kicks ass. Out of all the teen flicks it has the best character development, the best actors ( I mean, Ethan Embry, COME ON, and that one kid from "Hook"), and best of all: the flimsiest story line. A guy goes to a party in an attempt to hook up with this girl. That's great!! Simple story lines leave plenty of room for dialogue and character integration. You learn a lot about each character and really take a shining to them. And then you eagerly anticipate the scene in which this character will talk to that character, ohhhh, the possibilities. This guy is so dry and serious, I wonder how he's going to react to this guy's wackiness!!!! Hey, this guy is a stereotypical football player; I wonder what's going to happen when he runs into the stereotypical computer geek!!!! What happens is what we in the film critiquing industry call cinematic cold.
This movie has everything a good teen flick should: outrageous characters, hilarious dialogue, a healthy number of pop culture references, a predictable ending, and the geek gets the girl. I think that sort of romantic finale is something that we all want to see more of, but there just isn't enough of it out there. Often times we see the nerdy guy do all the work and then go home empty handed, the perfect example of this is in "The Breakfast Club" when Anthony Micheal Hall does everyone's homework whilst they run off and hook up with each other. You'll also note that I said a "healthy" number of pop culture references. Too many movies now a days are just a giant barage of references. So encumbered with references are such films, that they leave nothing in the movie for future generations to refer to. And it's only going to get worse. Ten years from now we're going to be hearing references to references. And another thing. Why do they feel the need to make a parody of teen flicks? Making fun of teen flicks is like making fun of hair bands or art students; it's pointless because they're pretty much a parody of themselves. Frankly, I'm getting a little sick of parodies. I think they should make "Not Another Parody;” I'd go see that. No, I wouldn't.

So, we got the movies, headed home, and then engulfed ourselves in eight hours of hilarious adolescent- themed cinema. I admit, that staying on the couch for the enitre time did require alot of strength on my part. The mindless teen flick extravaganza is a lot like meditation. It's difficult at first, and it requires a lot of patience and willpower. But, after a while, you experience the enlightened bliss of not having a thought or care in your head. I feel that Steve, Ben, and I are now even closer for having shared this experience. While I feel that we learned a lot about each other by sitting there watching the movies in silence, I also feel that we learned more about each other when we would say things. Yes, indeed. This story has a happy, predictable, and safe ending that isn't going to upset or bewilder your typical young mainstream audience.

You Don't Cross The Boss, But You Do Have Sex With The Man Who Signs Your Checks

I don't usually comment on what goes on over on the Smackdown brand of the WWE. But, I thought last night's episode of Smackdown was probably the best show of the past month, Smackdown or Raw.

First off, the return of Paul Heyman. I'm not at all a fan of Paul Heyman when he's commentating. The main reason being, he's loud and obnoxious. Those qualities make for a good manager, and I imagine they'll make for a good General Manager. But, listening to him talk all night is irritating. I've got a hunch that he'll make for a more entertaining GM than Stephanie did. Although, I've got this unsettling feeling that Stephanie will probably be coming back for her job when her honeymoon is over.

Last night we got a taste of some great things to come. The WWE has already started going with their whole Japanese mafia gimmick with Tajiri. I was under the impression that they were postponing this idea for a while. But, they were out there last night, and they gave Zach Gowen what appeared to be a really sweet double Rock Bottom. The whole idea of a Japanese stable is really cool, and it just might be one the better ideas the writers have come up with in the past year.

The main event handicapped match between the Undertaker and Brock Lesnar and the Big Show was really good. Heyman constantly adding new stipulations everytime the Undertaker had won was a nice touch. Plus, Heyman just plays his role really well.

And so we're going to be seeing the Undertaker against Vince McMahon at Survivor Series in a Buried Alive match. But, if the Undertaker is wrestling Vince at Survivor Series, than what will Brock Lesnar be doing? Actually, I already know that.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Oct. 20th, 2003: No Hurricane Sightings

The Hurricane and his trusty sidekick, Rosey the Super Hero In Training, were no where to be found on Monday night's broadcast. Sad, truely, yes. But, they were on Heat, involved in a tag team match and coming out victorious over some no names. I'll be sure to tune into Heat. I must say, I do find it kind of irritating that so much of Monday's show revolved around Maven, Jindrak, and Cade whilst the Hurricane and the S.H.I.T were confined to Heat. I'm still a Jindrak fan. But, I'm still not horribly impressed with Maven. I'll admit he's good considering he got his start via a reality show on MTV (Chris Nowinski is still way better than him), but I don't want to see him being pushed to the extent that he is, whilst guys like the Hurricane, Tommy Dreamer, and Rico are wrestling on Heat. That's just not right.

I suppose I'm not going to say too much about Raw, since there was no Hurricane.

Survivors Series is looking like it might actually be good. First of all, for the first time in years we are going to see an actual Survivor Series match up at the Survivor Series pay per view. About time. Last year we were treated to that horrendous Elimination Chamber. That match was bad, and it was just a foreshadow of the crappyness to come at Summer Slam. The Elimination Chamber is the pro wrestling equivalent of chop sticks, it's very inefficient. People get hurt, the match isn't entertaining, and I imagine that stupid chamber must be pretty expensive. To think that in the past year the only shot RVD had at a main event was in that stupid contraption. That poor fella. Of course he's going to fuck up his frog splash, look at the way that stupid cage is designed.

So this year I will be doing much rejoicing as we will be seeing an actual Survivor Series match. They haven't said anything about it, but I think it might be possible that Steve Austin might actually participate in this match, as there will be nine other guys to carry the load. So far they've got Chris Jericho and Scott Steiner on team Bischoff, and Booker T on team Austin. I'm expecting Rob Van Dam will probably join team Austin as well, giving him a much deserved main event spot. And I'm also thinking that they'll probably have Lance Storm on team Austin, as Lance's character has been vocally pro-Austin on the show as of late. Also, I'm going to go ahead and assume that Christian will be on team Bischoff.

Batista made his triumphant return on Monday night. Batista is the fucking man. Not only is he fucking huge, but he actually responded to my e-mail even though I was asking a question that wasn't concerning him. So I know he's super nice, in addition to fucking huge. Apparently Goldberg was actually pissed off at Jim Ross for mentioning that Batista is bigger than Goldberg. That boy's got some nerve, I'll tell you what, and not alot of common sense. I'm hoping that since Batista put out Goldberg and collected the hundred grand that Goldberg should be out a couple of weeks to sell the injury.

Monday, October 20, 2003

Last Night's PPV

Boy, did I have a killer night. I saw my favorite all chick band, the Eyeliners, watch some wrestling, and drank some beer.

Last night the Eyeliners were playing at the Intersection in Grand Rapids. I totally had to go to this show because I hadn't seen them in three years, on a account of the fact that they always go to Detroit, God knows why. Detroit sucks. They need to stay the hell the way from Detroit and come to Grand Rapids every year from here on out. Anyways, this put me in an awkward position on account of the fact that it was the same night as the No Mercy pay per view. So, I opted, instead, to watch the eleven o'clock encore presentation. As a consequence, I only had one friend actually come over and watch it. But, I'd say all in all it was totally worth it.

The Eyeliners totally kicked ass, even though where I was standing all I could here was bass. But, this was the first time I had seen them in three years, so I didn't get hung up on that and I just enjoyed their performance. They're hot. And they rock. And they're all sisters. It doesn't really get better than that.

The pay per view was a decent one. Quite good I'd say.

I wasn't happy that Matt Hardy jobbed to Zach Gowen. Zach Gowen, it seems to me, is supposed to loose. Shit, Shannon Moore has beaten him twice. And so they have Matt Hardy job to him for a second time. Seriously here, fellas. There's no shame in having Zach Gowen loose all the time. He's only got one leg.

I don't want to see Chris Benoit working programs with guys like A-Train. He needs to be feuding with top card guys. He needs to be making a run for the title. Chris Benoit is another shining example of how the WWE are misusing some of their top notch talent. But, this match was pretty good. And it managed to deliver one really horrifying moment in which a botched move resulted in Chris Benoit falling head first onto a steel chair. We were wondering if the ending of that match was supposed to be a knod to Stu Hart, with Benoit winning via sharp shooter.

I was also kind of wondering if the Vince/Stephanie match was in some way supposed to be knod to the Hart family. As it's ending was kind of similar to the ending of that classic Bret Hart/Bob Backlund match at Survivor Series '94 in which Backlund had Bret in a cross faced chicken wing for thirteen minutes until Bret's mom threw in the towel. Damn, that was a great match. No wonder we love Bret Hart so much. And Bob Backlund. Anyways, I imagine they'll probably utilize the ending so as to bring Stephanie back after her honeymoon. Seeing how she never technically said "I quit".

Friday, October 17, 2003

We Want Wrestling

It seems like the past two years has seen Vince trying to get back in touch with what exactly the fans want to see. By now we've probably all been familiarized with the atrocity that was the pre-taped interview with Stephanie McMahon. An arena filled with thundering boos and people actually leaving is a pretty good sign that you're doing something wrong. I don't claim to be an expert on what people want to see, but I know what they don't. And when the crowd starts chanting "WE WANT WRESTLING!" during a ten minute pre-taped interview, that's a pretty clear sign.

Or is it?

I'm kind of sympathizing with Vince on this one, because I think the fans maybe don't know what they want. But, on the other hand, it's not the fans' responsibility to know what they want to see. That one is up to Vince.

Vince must have been fairly discouraged, as I was myself, that the sixty minute Iron Man Match last month betwixt Lesnar and Angle drew unimpressive ratings. And the match was a fucking classic. But, Nielson ratings indicated that the audience tuned in for the first few minutes, got tired, and then tuned in at the end to see how it turned out. Maybe it doesn't help when people can look at their watch and know when exactly the match is going to end, thus eliminating that exciting aspect of wrestling that Larry Zabysko was always pointing out "A match is always almost three seconds from being over". I'm sure I fucked up that quote, but you get the idea.

But, I think my point is illustrated. Do the fans really want to see wrestling? Or do they just want to yell out catch phrases? I think I know what they want. They want to be entertained. But, I think, just maybe, they're focusing on the wrong thing. I think they need to stop worrying about ratings so damn much, and start worrying about entertaining the audience in the arena. Don't show a crowd of ten thousand people who paid forty bucks a pop a ten minute pre-taped interview. That's just common sense. And if the crowd's electric, then the home viewing audience is going to feel it. Besides, the people in the arena paid to see the show, us at home are getting to see it for free.

Oct. 13th, 2003 Raw: Beating Up Women Is Funny

That headline isn't intended to be the least bit sarcastic. What Stone Cold did to Stacy Monday night was absolutely hysterical. And it's serves as a reminder of what makes S.C.S.A. (that's how us hip insiders refer to him) so great. He's unpredictable and he'll fricking stun anyone. Remember when he opted to give a stunner to Mae Young as supposed to eating her pie. I've read a couple of editorials criticizing Austin's attack on Stacy. Those people need to lighten up, as Stone Cold would say. I guess a few people thought it hit too close to Austin's real life demons or what not. But, as long as I can remember, Austin has been giving Stone Cold Stunners to anyone and for any reason.

The Hurricane's involvement with Raw was quite minimal. It was an amusing backstage segment which ended with Rosey getting trapped in a phone booth when he tried to change outfits. It was a great segment, but seriously, these guys need to wrestle. They weren't even involved in a match on Heat. The Hurricane's ability to do really good backstage sketches has definitely been a blessing and a curse. But, type casting only makes sense when a person only has one trick in their arsenal. But, the Hurricane made it in the top 25 on PWI's top 500 list, dammit. Like I already mentioned, he out-ranked Kane and Shawn Micheals.

And Maven.

Am I the only one who isn't impressed with Maven. There is absolutely no excuse for them to have Maven wrestle and then not have the Hurricane wrestle. Look out on any audience and tell me how many Hurricane t-shirts you see. Then look out and tell me how many Maven t-shirts you see. It doesn't take a genius, which is what I've always said Vince McMahon is.

So anyway, that's the sum of my thoughts on Raw. And one more thing, Shawn better not job to Goldberg. I understand that he likes to pass on the torch, but this one better end in a shmoz, with Goldberg getting his ass kicked.

Monday, October 13, 2003

Oct. 6th, 2003 Raw: I'm Not Actually Going To Say Anything About Last Week's Raw / Hurri-thoughts As We Hurri-proach Raw

I've combined my weekly Raw review with my weekly Hurri-thoughts as we Hurr-proach Raw. The wierd thing about it, really, is that I'm combining this week's Hurri-thoughts with last week's Raw review. The past week has been hellacious. I did shitty on a psych test, I did great on my integrated studies test, I'm eating meat again, and I saw Kill Bill.

My psychology exam last week left me fervidly disgruntled. The instructor made this big wooptie doo about how he doesn't grade on a curve because "he wants to grade us on our individual performances, not on how we perform compared to other students". Well, at the end of the semester I will individually perform the task of giving him a horrible review because he sucks compared to every other instructor. Instructors don't use grade curves because they want to grade their students based on how they performed in comparison to the other students. The use grade curves because in a class of that size, if the average score is significantly below that of what average scores usually come out to in the general population than they can assert the fact that they made the test too fucking hard, and then judge students accordingly. Now, take this case for instance. I scored a sixty percent on this test, the class average was sixty six percent. Get that, the class average was a failing grade. This class has approximately two hundred students. Thus this class' performance should serve to be indicative of that of the general university attending population. Conclusion, the teacher sucks and I just got an ef on a paper I should have got a de on.

Now my test in integrated studies of social, behavioral, and economic studies was a much more pleasant student. First off, my psych teacher is a graduate student and it's his first time teaching a class of said magnitude. My integrated studies instructor is a doctor who's been teaching at MSU for thirty eight years now, he's smart. The other guy is dumb. My integrated studies teacher, Dr. Puhek, always has very genorous grade curves. On the test I took last week I scored 36 out of 43 and I walked away with a 4.0 on that particular exam. God bless Dr. Puhek. His tests are kind of wierd though. The questions usually ask you to select the answer that best fits the question, so it can get fairly abstract. But, the thing is, if you enjoy the material discussed in class, which I do, and pay attention, which I do, then the tests are a breeze. I enjoyed watching the kids outside of the class studying as though they were preparing for a biology exam. I just sat down on the floor and did a crossword puzzle. I was actually the first one in the class finished with the test, out of about a hundred and sixty. On the psych test I was the second one done out of two hundred. I was always seem to finish my tests quickly, because when I read a question I'm well aware of the fact that I either I know it or I don't. If I don't know the answer to a question, I'm not going to be able to recall it until at least a couple of hours after I've finished the test.

And so I'm eating meat again. I don't know what made me decide to do this. I've been a vegetarian for three years and last Monday I decided to start eating meat again. I've been pacing myself so as not to make myself too sick.

I saw Kill Bill twice over the weekend and it fucking kicked ass. I'd have to say it's already on my top five all time favorite movies list. Seriously, I loved this movie. I was explaining to a friend of mine how I don't really like fight scenes, so when I see a fight scene that I really enjoy I know it's a good fight scene. For instance, I loved all the fight scenes in Evangelion, so I know those are good fight scenes. But, then I remembered my love of professional wrestling, which is basically fighting, right? Sort of. I became baffled as I tried to contemplate the differences in my mind. I know they are different. But, they are similar in the sense that it's choreographed violence intended to tell a story. The fight scenes in Kill Bill are awesome, better than anything in the Matrix or Crouching Tiger. Not that I'm anything even remotely resembling an expert on fight scenes. I just know when I'm being entertained.

Now on to more important things. More important things being, of course, the Hurricane. Last week we saw Rosey go one on one with Kane. Kane beat him and then the Hurricane came out and attacked him. Kane beat up the Hurricane and then Shane came out and attacked Kane, and then of course, awesomeness happened. By now we've all had that notorious image of the limousine crashing into the cemi-truck burned onto our little, eager, violence loving retinas. So, the Hurricane wasn't horribly busy last week. I just want to know why if Rosey is in singles competition than the Hurricane isn't, or vice versa.

So yesterday I was checking out PWI's annual top 500 wrestlers list. The Hurricane made number twenty one. That's pretty good considering come of the people he out ranked, which included Kane, Shawn Micheals, and Randy Orton. Three of the top card players on Raw right now, and the Hurricane out ranked them. I think Vince needs to pay closer attention. Although I'm well aware of the fact that he doesn't. As last year's number one wrestler was Rob Van Dam, and he's been seriously over looke through out the past year. He's just starting to get some steam again with his IC title reign.

In their little excerpt about the Hurricane they said that they thought his gimmick was silly. Ummm, huh? They added that he would need to drop the gimmick before he could make a go for the Intercontinental championship. After talking it out with friends I decided this wasn't necessarily true. Val Venis, Goldust, the Godfather, and the Mountie are all very gimmicky wrestlers who have had reigns as IC champion, just to name a few. So the Hurricane could make a go as IC champion as the super hero we all know and love. A run as World Champion would be right out. However, the article did make a good point by acknowledging that the Hurricane's career has been hindered since he's gone to Raw due to the fact that the Cruiserweight belt is over on Smackdown. Even though his first night on Raw saw him winning the tag team titles with Kane, he hasn't had any gold since then.

When you think about it, the Hurricane could be having some awesome matches if he was over on Smackdown. Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman, Tajiri, Jamie Noble, and Ultimo Dragon could all work some sweet matches with the Hurricane. Apart from the Hurricane and Spike Dudley, there doesn't seem to be any really notable light weights on Raw. Not that the Hurricane needs a fellow light weight in order to put on a good match.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

It Seems I've Been Busy Lately

For the past couple weeks I've been pretty absorbed in studying for exams and pondering the dillema of what exactly I'm going to do about my major. I try to find some old writings of mine whenever I'm busy just so my blog doesn't become too inactive. I haven't had a chance yet to talke about Raw, which was pretty bad ass, and I had some complaining to do about psych teacher. But, I'm bogged down in studying for my next test which is in my Judaism class. Plus, I've got to go see Kill Bill again, because it was bad ass.

What I've posted below is a movie review I did for the Kellogg Community College Bruin about a year ago. Reading it, I get a similar effect as other things I wrote about a year ago. That sentiment being that if I was to write a paper on this particular topic today it would kick the shit out the one I wrote a year ago. Because, people can learn alot in a year. I've posted it on my blog at the request of my brother, who I guess wanted to read it.

If you haven't seen Neon Genesis Evangelion all the way through, and you intend to, I suggest you not read it because I've included a couple spoilers. As for the kids at KCC who read it in the paper and got a fist full of spoilers, well, fuck them.

I've been debating back in forth in my head over beginning work on a little book with all my little analyses and theories about Evangelion. Right now I'm kind of busy.

Here's An Old Movie Review I Wrote For A School Newspaper About Neon Genesis Evangelion: Death And Rebirth. warning *spoilers*

Neon Genesis Evangelion has already been hailed as the greatest anime series of all time. I would agree and take it one step further by saying that it's not unlike the Bible. People say that every time they watch it they notice something that they've never noticed before. Well, I would say that every time I watch it I notice something that WASN'T there before. The mass references to Old Testament theology have already been the focal point of thousands of hours of research by others. I myself have devoted a considerable percentage of the past few months to studying this very topic. Not only has studying theology changed the way I watch Evangelion, but watching Evangelion has changed they way I study theology.

I was driving when I had the sudden realization that the relationship between Shinji and Kaoru was based on the relationship between David and Jonathan. Suddenly a passage of the Bible which has been the subject of much controversy and confusion was now shown to me in a completely different light.

For years gay rights activists have used David and Jonathan as an example of homosexuality within the Bible, and for even more years right-wing Christians have insisted that there was absolutely nothing sexual between David and Jonathan. I have fond memories of nervous Sunday school teachers proclaiming "It's not what you think!" But, as is the case with most heated religiously and politically motivated disputes, both sides are wrong. To say they were lovers or to say that there was nothing sexual about their relationship are both horrible over-simplifications.

The Evangelion saga makes it disturbingly clear (and I mean DISTURBINGLY) that Shinji is not gay. Yet, the greatest love he ever knew was that of a dude. The sexual undertones are abundant as Shinji and Kaoru proceed to shower together and then spend the night together. Kaoru shows Shinji a compassion and love greater than any woman has ever shown him. The first book of Samuel tells us that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and those words ring in my head every time I see the scene in which Kaoru says "I think I may have been born just to meet you, Shinji Ikari." Just like David, Shinji has many women in his life, and just like Jonathan, Kaoru is his one true soul mate.

Jonathan, seeing David's worth, sacrifices his right to the throne so that David might be the king. It's Kaoru's God given right to destroy mankind and live forever. However, because of his love for Shinji, he lays down that right and begs Shinji to kill him. What proceeds is the longest single cell shot in the history of animation, which eventually ends with Shinji beheading Kaoru. Every time I see it it leaves me on the verge of tears.

1 Samuel 18:1- The soul of Jonathan was knitted with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul

1 Samuel 18:4- And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David.

1 Samuel 20:41,42- And as soon as the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times, and they kissed one another and wept one with another until David exceeded. And Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for as much as we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying the Lord be between me and thee, and between my seed and thy seed for ever." And he arose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city.

Monday, October 06, 2003

Hurri-thoughts As We Hurri-proach Raw

Tonight on the itenirary we have a match betwixt Kane and Rosey. This match will probably be not much more than a set up to further the Kane/Shane angle, as Shane is scheduled to make his return tonight. At least our heros aren't playing secondary roles in the Dudleys' storyline. Hopefully though, we might see a little Kane/Hurricane action.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

September 29th, 2003 Raw: Where The Hell Have I Been?

Geez, I'm writing my Raw review a good six days after the fact. I've been busy studying for a psychology test. This being, of course, a test I don't really care about. If you think studying is hard, try studying indifferent. So I've taken a little time out of my lack of effort to add a few extra Hurri-thoughts to my Hurri-blog.

I expressed concerns over the extent of what would be the Hurricane's utilization last Monday night, due to the fact that Rosey had been injured a couple days prior. Well, I really shouldn't have been too worried. Rosey is, after all, the Hurricane's sidekick. And the super hero can do just fine without his sidekick.

They actually had the Hurricane working a small program with Kane. Kane, dammit, one of the biggest stars on the Raw roster right now. I don't know for sure if he's really that big popularity wise. I haven't determines to what extent the fans are really taking to his character, as the heel he's supposed to be. But, the writers are without a doubt pushing him as one of the top five guys on the Raw roster.

So they showed a little of the footage of when Kane and The Hurricane won the tag team titles about a year ago. That brought back some very pleasant memories. The Hurricane told Kane that he didn't want to fight him, he wanted to know why he decided to become a monster. Then Kane decided to demonstrate his monsterosity by scaring a little Hurri-fan upfront. And then the Hurricane came down and attacked him. And actually, Rosey came out and helped a little bit, but the extent of his physical activity was minimal as would be expected.

So then Kane and the Hurricane worked a nice little match. It was kind of short for my taste. But the Hurricane definitely pulled out a few stops, including a sweet forward flip from the top turnbuckle out of the ring. Kane won, as one would expect. There's no real shame in loosing to Kane at this point.

Word is that the ratings on Monday's show were terrible, probably the lowest this year. This is quite possibly due to the fact that Eric Bischoff announced at the beginning of the show that Stone Cold was suspended and wouldn't be there. But, any intelligent wrestling fan would have to know that a suspension isn't necessarily going to keep a superstar like Stone Cold Steve Austin out. I mean, wrestlers have been buying tickets to get into the arena for as long as I can remember. It's a classic plot twist, I'll tell you what.

Another problem, that stupid match with Jim Ross and the Coach. I saw the numbers showing that the ratings actually droppped significantly after that match. And the Hurricane versus Kane match, which came two segments after that match, actually suffered because of that. Damn them, I knew they were going to put Ross and Lawler back in the booth, but I didn't think it would be this quickly. They should have at least given them a month.

Steiner's heel turn was fucking sweet. Steiner just hasn't worked well as a face. He's not the good looking home town amatuer wrestler he was back in ninety three when him and Rick were battling the diabolical Money Inc. He is now a genetically mutated shell of a man who can barely form a sentence and likes kinky sex. Scott Steiner is the Micheal Jackson of professional wrestling. The fans weren't taking to him as a serious face. The fans just take to Stacy and who ever happens to be standing around her at the time.

The ladder match was fucking sweet. I'll miss seeing Christian as IC champ, but RVD has been without a title for a year now. And that guy deserves a push, no matter what anyone might say.